There is so much life in this collection of student’s thoughtful engagement with Stuart Sigman’s notion of consequentiality that it is hard for me to pick where to begin. In truth, I could select from any of the students’ work and weave a response – everyone has provided a “next” that invites a desirable future. To use a recognizable logic, I’ll begin with things students have suggested are definitions for, or parts of, the communication skill of nexting. Then, I will move on to the contributions that are – in my assessment – the most provocative. You may know, by now, that I do try to choose my diction carefully. Hence, I am signaling to you that I am engaged in provocation on purpose. I mean (aim, intend) to write (technically, type; generically, speak) in a way that elicits a response. (Ah, some of you ask, but what response? No no no, I reply, there is no one “answer”, there is only your decision to join me/us by posing your own ‘next,’ or resist by falling back on a familiar closed script.)
A point of etiquette:
I am changing the attributions for the following quotes (assignment 4:3) from
the student’s names to
their anonymous weblog identities.
How does one “next” in interpersonal communication?
Students listed some of the specific things they are doing during interpersonal communication (mostly with each other via the class’ anonymous weblogs) that they consider “nexting.” I will list the examples first, and then offer some critique. TopoftheMorning proposes that nexting “has to do with leaving room for people to respond to your ideas by asking questions.” President Makalele references OuterBodyBoi’s suggestion to compliment something you like and then applying it to yourself or past experience. On the other hand, Sports08 says nexting means “to try to keep my opinions and past experiences to my self [...and...] not allow our own perceptions to interfere with our conversation when listening and communicating (attributed to Gym411), concluding “if we include our opinions on the topic then this would change the course of the conversation and would not be considered nexting.” Bridge of Ideas also built on Gym411: “’Nexting’ goes hand in hand with listening because its about paying attention to detail, with an open mind, and not letting your perceptions or past experiences affect the communication.” TheCakeisALie agrees that “it is impossible to talk about nexting without listening, because it is impossible to perform nexting properly without listening.”
This connection between “nexting” and “listening” was one of the specific conceptual linkages the assignment asked students to make. “I don’t even think nexting would be possible to do if there wasn’t listening,” writes Beaver32. “When you are doing nexting you are taking in what the other person and preparing your mind for what you are going to say next to better or worsen the conversation or keep it where it’s at.” The common theme that everyone has gotten right is a quality of openness – “leaving room,” “not allow[ing] perceptions to interfere” – and a sense of power or influence: “change the course of the conversation,” “to better or worsen the conversation or keep it where it’s at.”
Some of the individual strategies that students have proposed are more circumstantial – they depend on the situation you are in, the person(s) you are communicating with, and (perhaps most important) the areas of habit one needs to redress. For instance, I would not propose a rule that one never gives an opinion. In fact, I would go so far as to say that there is no (one) “proper” way to do nexting, rather a diversity of choices among which we select the one that seems preferred in the moment. Choosing does get tricky, as – first of all, we may not be paying attention sufficiently to pick anything but the habitual reaction, and – second, our perceptions may be skewed, from a variety of innocent and unpleasant factors. While it is ideal to wish that we are never thrown off by misperception, the honest truth is that we probably are “off” more often than we’re “on” – or am I generalizing far too widely? (Again!) 
Nexting, Time, and Power:
“In order to communicate successfully,” writes Jaggerbunny, “one must be aware of consequentiality, actively listen, and choose their next word (step) wisely.” I’m going to jump from this statement right to Gym411’s critique of whether or not we (in this class) are actually doing nexting:
“I do not believe that we are achieving “nexting” because we are not responding in order to control what comes in the “next” (meaning in the future), but instead most of us seem to agree with each other’s responses and write on the similarities that exists between parties. In my opinion (and sorry if I am completely wrong!), we are being too passive with our responses for them to be considered “nexting”. Doesn’t “nexting” require more in depth thinking than just agreeing and paraphrasing what was just said?”
Yes, Mr. Gymnasium (!), proactive nexting does indeed require more than simply anticipating how to navigate a closed script. Nexting can be passive, and – (brace yourselves) I dare say most of the instances that many of you have realized as ways you have already been doing nexting are simply skillful navigations of already proven terrain. They count (in terms of the concept), but they are weak versions. If we do them well, they are familiar, comfortable, even formal (an important characteristic noticed by OuterBodyBoi and repeated by President Makalele). For instance, TheCakeisALie observes, “throughout this course so far, people have really been reaching out to others and attempting to create conversation.” Yes, it is what you knew you were supposed to do. Cake goes on to reference Masr: “nexting was something they were already doing, but they were not aware of it. This seemed to me to be the consensus of the comments and I could see myself performing it with my interlocutors and they were reciprocating.”
Now, what has changed? You have a conceptual term to apply to a behavior that you already do. So what? DeliverMeSummer asks the vital question: “now that we have this knowledge, what are we going to do with it?” Each of you will decide upon an answer for yourself.
Practice leads to wisdom:
If you’re like me, it will take a long time. 
I can say so teasingly, because I’m serious. Often I feel I mis-choose the best nexting response, and the challenge of allowing myself to be nexted, to join with someone else’s attempt to next rather than insist we follow mine, remains real. Cake said it well.
“Nexting requires an understanding of what your interlocutor is saying, and if your partner is actually listening to you, they could just as equally and effectively next you (that sounds odd, but hey, what can you do?).”
Yea, what can we do? We’re trying to next, they’re trying to next, we’re all trying to next to somewhere and that “place” is imaginary – it only exists as an idea or vision or hope. It is much easier (isn’t it?) to just keep following the script. At least then everyone pretty much knows what’s going on, no one gets too confused, and most everything keeps going along as it always has. Whew! We wouldn’t want mess to that up!
Would we?
Complementing Gymnasium’s critique, Masr tells a hard truth about the consequentiality of our communications with each other:
“…maybe Sigman used this term to show the severity and the importance of the result of communication. Instead of just saying “result of communication” the consequences implies that there is a certain severity to the situation, which is absolutely true.”
Let’s look at the diction, because here is an instance when Masr has done a beautiful job of selecting a powerful term: severe. In other words, the consequences are real. You know this, in your own lives, when you lose a friend, or a relationship falls apart, or you reconcile with a beloved family member. What we’ve seen from the interactions in class is that much of our interpersonal communication conforms to patterns. I think only one person actively disagreed with someone during the first anonymous weblog interactions. Some of you are already wondering about the consequentiality of sticking with the similar. Gym411 names this precisely: “We keep responding to those who most resemble us. This separation that we create can be seen in society today.” Masr continues:
“This is how our identities are formed, most people care about how other people perceive them. Personal identities are important when communicating with people. We are surrounded by communication, especially in our class. When we communicate through web logs we choose who we communicate with through people’s identities. Meaning, that when I chose who to communicate with I chose someone that I thought I could relate to, and had something in common with. Although I did not have a complete understanding of their identity, I made my decision on what I already knew.”
If we embrace this communication fact, that our identities are formed in, by, and through communication, and we realize that the very ways we engage in interpersonal communication show our identities, show ‘who we are,’ Jaggerbunny draws out the implication very clearly:
“If communication characterizes us, than it is imperative that we can communicate successfully, as our lives, in essence, depend upon it … As Sigman declared, ‘the value of acknowledging the consequences of communication is understanding how our communications help to shape our sociocultural reality.’ It is by appreciating the weight of our actions that we can truly affect change in ourselves in a beneficial way.”
So there it is. What we say has weight. Even if ‘what we say’ is according to script (and thus accepted, safe, successful), there is still a “next” happening: this kind of nexting confirms and recreates the social structure we currently have. To the extent one is satisfied, this is all to the good. To the extent one is dissatisfied, this is not so good. How satisfied are you? What are the criteria by which you judge? What would you like to be different? Are you alone in that desire? How can you begin to next in such a way that three days, two years, a decade down the road, the future you want begins to be?
OoLoveShoo says,
“Any kinds of conversation cannot be continued if there is not anybody who is showing respect to the conversation by asking questions, or showing their interest. These simple interactions can lead the conversation to go further, and it creates connections between people who are having the same conversation which eventually helps people to create new social structures.”
All of you have begun to develop the awareness and skills you need.
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First, as TopoftheMorning has learned, “think about what is going on in a conversation.”
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Keep learning, as Jaggerbunny is, in what specific ways “how, with whom, and about what I choose to converse reflects upon me as a person, and how I will be perceived by others.”
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Workout with Gym411 on “ways to criticize my own communication behavior with others.”
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Become “aware,” DeliverMeSummer agrees with Ninjacook, “of how [one] is influenced [by knowledge of] these concepts, such as consequentiality and nexting”
Bridge of Ideas asks, “Have you ever been in a conversation and [you] are not listening, but from what I understand now is, nexting. I know this is not unusual because I have addressed it in other communication courses. The key I suppose is to train yourself to listen and listen intently.” I want to introduce a difficult distinction. Rehearsing what you want to say irregardless of what your interlocutor is saying is not a collaborative form of nexting; this is a move for control, an act of communication designed to assert your own point-of-view. But exhaling in this way – expressing yourself without having fully inhaled your interlocutor’s message – is an example of the weak form of nexting. (It may not feel very weak if you are in the receiver’s position; usually it feels pretty lousy.) The possible futures that can emanate from such an exhale are quite limited: there is only the same structure to be repeated, over and over again. The hard work of trying to manage destiny is an activity that can only be accomplished through some form of mutuality (there are about a million ways!) Grant2u reiterates the bottom line: “If one cannot listen effectively he/she is going to miss elements necessary for the next ’step.’”
You are all on track. Sure there’s still grading to be done (did you remember quotes and paraphrases? evidence and examples? links?!), but the learning is well underway. President Makalele has made an important shift in emphasis, privileging “how I respond to people trying to communicate with me rather than how I initially communicate with people.” The first step, as with anything, is an honest assessment. Masr provides a model, explaining how he has begun
“to realize the actual degree to which I lack true active listening in my daily life . . . in the past few days I’ve been asking myself (quietly in my head of course) what is the goal of this person’s communication with me, what would be the best outcome of the situation I’m in, what should I say next to have my outcome be realized. I’ve never asked these questions, even though it’s so self-explanatory and obvious why I should.”
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 10:15 am
With the wide array of communication skills and techniques we’re being presented with, I can only imagine how self aware all the initial conversations will be between teammates. At first I thought I would try to use the approaches I had selected to read about because of their familiarity. I felt especially comfortable starting there because of the last reading I selected, which highlighted the differences between assertive, healthy behavior and aggressive, unproductive behavior. But upon reading the analysis of some of the other readings, I now feel a number of the articles out focal points might be just as relevant.
McKay, Davis and Fanning wrote about “Expressing” one’s self to benefit the situation and achieve a desired goal. I saw this idea paralleled in Gottman’s ideas on “Putting feelings into words.” His suggestion to name feelings because it kickstarts your brains logical thinking process, and allows you to verbalize your thoughts more lucidly. I’m not sure how many feelings we will have to express in teams, I suppose the nature of the project will decide that, but even on a small scale this way of thinking seems productive. Johnson wrote about openness, and his ideas reminded me of some of the first replies we did with each other on our blogs, and how we had to choose what to talk about. This is both because of our limited medium and our limited communication skills.
As far as criterion for selecting teams, I always found that the most revealing and sometimes challenging way to work in groups is to make it completely random. It always has its way of working things out, and is often healthy. But in the spirit of conversation, I feel like taking a look at the wordpress weblogs is a good way to group people. In that sense you could use any number of groupings based on interests, writing style, punctuality of posting…the possibilities defy limits.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 10:19 am
The article “Expressing,” by McKay, Davis, and Fanning suggests that we need to communicate clearly and directly in order to communicate effectively. We should use positive language instead of negative language. These suggestions will be useful in our team projects because we will need to be direct with each other in order to avoid confusion. Of course, we will need to support each other as well. In Rosenfeld and Richman’s “What to Tell,” we learn that what to self-disclose depends on a person’s comfort level. If we are not comfortable disclosing something, we do not have to. This goes for almost every situation, including group work. If we are not comfortable with each other yet to share certain things, we do not have to. In “Putting Feelings Into Words,” Gottman explains that, or order to fully understand our emotions,” we must separate and name them. This gives a person control over his emotions, and makes him more capable of using them properly. This is useful in explaining your feelings to yourself, as well as other people. It is important to let our teammates know how we are feeling to maintain an open communication and avoid confusion. “Being Open With and to Other People” emphasizes the importance of self-disclosure in building a relationship. Johnson suggests that the self-disclosure of your perception of a current situation is much more important the past situations. In our teamwork, we will be focusing on the present situation, rather than our pasts. Self-disclosure of our current perceptions will be extremely important in order to work together successfully. “What it Means to be Assertive,” by Alberti and Emmons explains the difference between being “assertive” and “aggressive.” It is important to express one’s ideas and opinions in a way that is not forceful. The point of teamwork is for everyone to share their ideas, not for one person to “win” and preside over all.
I think in choosing teams, Steph should put each person with at least one person he or she has communicated with previously in the class, and one person he or she has not. This way, we will have the comfort of working with someone we already have a connection with, (even if we do not know it yet) which may make it easier to self-disclose. Also, we will be building new relationships with people we have not yet communicated with.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 2:47 pm
After reviewing the main ideas from the articles, it is made clear that although they compliment each other, there is also a hint of redundancy in a way were the same idea is expressed in a similar manner. For example in the article written by Matthew McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning it was suggested that by “Expressing” yourself to benefit the situation you could achieve a desired goal. This idea is very similar to John Gottman’s article on “Putting feelings into words.” In his article He proposes that if you name your feelings your brain will engage in a logical and language process, and allows you to verbalize your thoughts hence making it easier to cope with said emotions. Essentially these ideas are similar in such a way were both promote the ideas that by expressing your feelings you can take control of the situation. The articles from Lawrence Rosenfeld and Jack Richman ideas on the other hand compliment the ideas of David Johnson quite well in a way that they both agree on being open with people, however Rosenfeld and Richman believe that although being open is a good thing, it is also good to know what to disclose. I believe that these ideas may play a significant role when interacting with fellow team members. For example in order to receive fruitful input from all team members it is vital that all ideas and comments are expressed, this will enhance the team productivity and way of thinking.
As far as criterion for selecting teams, I noticed that when working in groups its good to work with people that have a work style that compliments each other. I also realized for this class anyway, that working with people you never had contact with may enhance productivity in a way were you are forced to be open in order to accomplish the set goals. However seeing as how this is an online class, I feel like taking a look at everyone’s wordpress weblogs is a good way to group people. In the sense that there is a familiarity via the conversations and comments that were posted, hence giving people an idea of who they are working with.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 2:48 pm
They way I would present the article “being open with and to other people” with my group is by first asking everyone in the group if they know what the main concept is that Johnson is trying to get across to us through his reading. As a group we all could talk about what our thoughts on his definition about openness are because that’s what the article is mostly about. Everything else Johnson talks about in the article ties in with openness so we all need to have a true meaning on what openness really is. I would then ask my group members to tell us about what type of relationship they are in and how open they are with each other.
Self disclosure would be another big thing the group would have to do so we would be able to communicate with each other better. Especially in this class because you sometimes have to speak on personal subjects and a lot of us wouldn’t do that if we didn’t trust each other so I would try to do a lot of exercises that would allow us all to interact with each other on a personal level. Self disclosure would benefit everyone in the class. According to Johnson, “it would deepen their relationships by sharing reactions, feelings personal information, and confidences. It also would improve the quality of the relationship and allows you to validate your perception of reality”(p.235).
I think the teams should be selected by random choice. We all should have the chance to interact with each other and that will only happen if the teams are randomly put together Ms.kent should just assign us to people then we should work together and get to know each other this process should be done the same way for any other group work that is required for this class.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 3:37 pm
From the various readings, the following key points about successful communication and group work can be made. First, it is important to understand the definition of assertive to fall in a balance between passivity and aggression to promote equality in human expression. The Alberti and Emmons article, “What it Means to be Assertive,” provides a method for achieving this balance, or the necessity to employ or consider active listening, “nexting,” and consequentiality. When working in our groups, the willingness to disclose information becomes extremely important. As highlighted by Johnson’s article, “Being Open With and to Other People,” the ability to self-disclose allows for “consensual validation.” In the groups, we will all benefit and learn from listening (and sharing or debating) various viewpoints. The Rosenfeld and Richman article, “What to Tell,” lends itself to the argument for the importance of environment in self-disclosure (and perhaps the confidence to be assertive – from Steph’s lecture, this related to the sense of power and quality of openness). As we are under time constraints and must work together to achieve a common end, it is important to create an environment that allows for mutual respect where participants are willing to share ideas freely and without concern of being harshly criticized or rejected to facilitate the conversation process. “Expressing” offers several suggestions for positive communication. In group work, it is important to make points clear and straightforward. Also, in order to make virtual messages as “whole” as possible, it is important to avoid sarcasm or wording/phrasing that could be misconstrued as a result of incomplete expression (McKay, Davis, and Fanning). Gottman’s article, “Putting Feelings Into Words,” stresses the importance of open communication. It becomes especially important when working with others to put words to how we feel about a certain observation or interpretation, and to be honest about how different reactions or comments make us feel (especially in areas of conflict).
In terms of goal setting, I think it is important that we all try to keep in mind the key points listed above. As mentioned by Beaver32 in Steph’s lecture, “nexting” relies upon listening. We all must actively pay attention to what one another are saying. Only then will we have the knowledge and intent to respond and allow “nexting” to occur. Another important consideration mentioned by jaggerbunny is the use of positive language – in that, our reactions to each other should remain respectful and constructive (though, as Steph also mentions, we may be unlikely to openly disagree with one another).
As far as making teams go, I think that some thought is important (and a little fun). At the very least, having a method behind team selection will allow for future discussion as to what works and what doesn’t work. That being said, I agree with saboy82 that it is important to have work styles that complement each other. At the same time, part of teamwork involves making adjustments in personal style to accommodate working with others. I therefore suggest (or rather, support) jaggerbunny’s idea – teams should be composed of several people who have had correspondence with one another and some who have not. Steph, I’m not sure how much time you’re willing to set aside, but it may be neat to work with someone we’ve interacted with both as an anonymous blogger and named classmate (does that make sense?). To clarify, I may have spoken with “jdblogger” and exchanged ideas with John Doe, but don’t know that they are the same person.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 3:44 pm
After reading the articles of my fellow classmates a few good points stand out to me on what I think we’ll be important for working in teams. The first one is from “Being Open With and To Other People” by David Johnson. After reading the summaries and analysis of the article I find that there are many necessary components for building relationships. The article mentions “self-disclosure” and “self-presentation” and talks about how and when to share ideas, feelings, and reactions. It also mentions a concept called “impression management” describe by Johnson as “behaving in different ways to reach the desirable goal of ‘social image’.” I think that these are important skills to be using and I will keep in mind while I am “exhaling” in our small groups.
Another student wrote an article on “Engaging Others: Communication as Exhaling”. He said that “It is about trying to get other people to open up so you can learn more about them by opening up yourself.” I think that that is really an effective tools to use in our interpersonal communication here in this class. We can see countless ways that it has worked so far and I think it will be a type of “nexting” we will continue to use to build on our relationships. We are starting to have a good flow in our conversations and we will need to continue to build and strengthen our relationships as we work together in teams.
This will require us to be in an atmosphere wherein we feel safe, listened to, and respected.
The criteria I feel that will help Steph determine the teams would be through some type of commonalities she has found through our work. It could be from noticing the same articles we’ve chosen to work on or maybe through similar concepts or values that she has noticed through our writings. I think another way is to take a look at the blogs and see how the flow of conversation is between each other and try to match up some of the interlocker together if the chemistry seems right.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Just when I thought I knew enough to successfully communicate, I realize I can still learn much more (probably a LOT more to learn). My experience working in teams has not always been a great one. I have been stuck in bad teams where I had to do most of the work! Not a fun experience. But I realized that instead of communicating with these “bad” teammates” I “shut down”, out of frustration, my communication with them. The result is me working alone, in a way I brought it upon myself. In the article “Being Open, with and To Other People” by Johnson, it is discussed how it is important for participants to willingly share ideas, feelings and reactions to the current situation. Being open with others will in fact make others be open with you, and thus benefit the relationship and strengthen it as well (by building trust). In a friendship speaking about past and current experiences can strengthen a relationship, but when working in teams one must speak on the current situation and the feelings that arise from it. Now, this does not mean we should open ourselves too much all at once, all in time. It is also important to recognize when it is the right time and to whom. In the article “What to Tell” by Rosenfeld and Richman, says that “…self-disclosure is task that must take into account the parameters of a relationship such as time, level of comfort, how often you see the person, how much you trust them, so on and so forth”. By taking all these elements into account once can better decide how open and “deep” one wants to get with the other participants (in our case classmates).
For the team selections I think we should all post our pictures and full descriptions of each other (hobbies, favorite food, music…) just kidding! We should be grouped by our work ethics. Meaning, that some of us are laid back and like to wait till the last minute to get work done, and others like to work with a schedule and do things way before they are due. This way we will not run into conflicts when we are working on our group assignments.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 5:44 pm
When I heard we were going to be going into teams, I actually felt good about it, something that doesn’t happen so often when it’s announced for face-to-face classes. I, as most people do I would assume, get a little nervous when thrown into a group of people I don’t really know that well, and when you’re nervous, your thoughts become jumbled and aren’t as concise as they should or would be. I think the reason behind my confidence in this is because I already know some stuff about my potential teammates and they already know some stuff about me. I’m at comfortable at a keyboard (I’d better be, my job demands it, and so do my hobbies) and online interactions are second nature to me. Also the article I read was about how a girl met her roommate and a boy she liked from high school and her interactions with them. I vividly remember my first few days at college and relate very well, and I feel like this group project is going to be somewhat similar.
My goals for this project are to definitely get the work done in a timely manner, and more so to get to know the people I’m working with. When we were tasked to determine people we wished to work with, it was difficult for me because I honestly don’t have a preference; sure it would be nice to work with people I have things in common with (as far as I can tell), but in the end, it won’t matter much to me. I’ve never really had preference for groups, as long as everyone is willing to do the work, which as far as I know everyone seems to.
As for the criteria Steph should use to put teammates together, as my opinion is clear, I’d say use the names in a hat option, or darts, whichever you prefer =). I find that people will work together no matter how you choose the groups, and I’d be more than willing to reach out and work with people I listed as people I had shied away from at the beginning. Meeting people I don’t see eye-to-eye with is something enjoyable for me, it’s like a puzzle: you just need to find the correct assembly of pieces, there’s just more pieces involved when the person isn’t compliant. I also agree with Jaggerbunny that putting people with one of their interlocutors and someone they haven’t talked to yet would work well I think, but could also end up in the 2 vs. 1 scenario.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 7:30 pm
I feel like the ideas brought up from the Alberti and Emmons readings will help our groups work with interpersonal communication. The authors bring up the differences of the use of being assertive in different ways within the different cultures. They use examples of politeness being seen as courteous in our cultures and those that are similar to us and how politeness can be seen as weakness in other cultures. I also think the article about expressing your emotions and thoughts to strangers will be helpful to our groups learning of interpersonal communications. We are in a situation where we’re all being asked to express personal information to people we’ve never even seen before. If we can study this type of communication with each other it may help us to interact with one another as well.
I don’t feel as if the article about putting emotions into words will exactly help our study of interpersonal communication. I think as far as dealing with personal issues, putting emotions into words is important but as far as interacting with strangers there isn’t a need to be expressing that much emotion. I think its important to share personal experiences to express what you’ve been through but I don’t think it is necessary to share the most personal of emotions. I think Patrick Green’s response from his article about “What To Tell”, regarding meeting someone for the first time was a good response. He had a personal connection with this article and the idea of having anxiety when you meet someone for the first time. Those who have examples with direct connections to the article help others to learn from them easier.
I feel as though putting the teams together for this midterm is a harder task than we think. Our teacher has to read plenty of different personal responses from people and try to decide who is going to be a good fit. Although some of us will have similar ideas expressed in our responses I don’t think it’s that easy for our teacher to recognize who will be a perfect match. I think those people who show similar styles to their postings should be paired together.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 7:38 pm
After reading the 8 above comments, I feel that my colleagues are not seeing these articles the way that they were intended to be seen. This may partially be caused by the clear distinctions that we needed to make when initially choosing the articles (“I want to read [blank] by [blank]“).
If you look at the articles, not as separate entities composed by different authors and assembled by a single person, but rather look at each of these articles as chapters in a book – a book that gives you the guidelines to working in a group – then you will see the ulterior motives which Steph decided not to express to us. She needed to butter us up before she bamboozled us with group projects.
Steph got out our thinking caps for us, and deviously led us by the hand. All the articles, when strung together, create a doctrine of what makes up good group-work practices. Beginning with knowing what to self-disclose…
-In a group project, especially one about communication, certain topics might come up where you might relate said topics to personal experience. Granted, this might rely heavily on the topic’s subject matter, you might reveal a bit too much about yourself, or on the other hand, might not reveal enough. Revealing too much might create tension or discomfort, and not revealing enough will show signs of distrust. Know your limits.
-Being open goes hand-in-hand with your disclosure practices. Openness can unveil commonalities, but only with the aide of listening. You can further your relationship with your group by trusting them and listening to them, but also having the knowledge that the bond between group members is a fragile one – as stated by gym411, “I ’shut down’, out of frustration”
-Expression of feelings and assertiveness are going to create the most turmoil in a group work environment. I like to be a leader in groups, thus I am very assertive and domineering, however, I do not express my true feelings about others and their ideas because I do not want to offend. After reading about being assertive, I realize that this just cheats out my receiver from attaining a reason as to why his/her suggestion was quickly passed over by me. Assertion will make all parties happy, but it does not always mean compromise. Assertion is balance. Stand up for what you believe in by expressing what you don’t like, why you don’t like it, and then “next” with an alternative. This will leave the floor open for the other party to show some assertiveness right back… see? Equality.
Now as for the team selection process, my vote is for random choice. It’s a win-win situation – here’s why: if student1 is paired up with student2, and they like each other, or share some common bond (whether through blogs or human nature) then they will feel comfortable and be successful in their group work. Conversely, if student1 doesn’t know how to deal with student2 (or there is some other reason for why things are peachy-keen), then the two students must find a way to get around their differences and create harmony in the group. As a matter of fact, isn’t that the whole point of this class? To learn how to create an interpersonal relationship with pretty much anyone?
While I care dearly for my own opinion, I, much like TheCakeIsALie, can work with anyone. So I have full confidence and faith in Steph to do the right thing in choosing teams.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 9:24 pm
The information presented in the readings is relevant and useful to use and think about for the team exercise. When we communicate in groups, the process is just made that more complex. I think it’s important to be mindful of the concepts discussed in all the various readings because we are all making impressions on each other and hopefully collaborating together in the process. The article I wrote about, Johnson’s “Being Open With and to Other People”, has several important concepts that could benefit through group discussion. Practicing self-disclosure with teammates could help us form deeper and broader relationships with each other and possibly form connections with others. Also, I think an exercise on identifying how we each perform particular impression management (how much we open up to each other) in this team project format could be interesting. These ideas could be applied to thinking about Johnson’s principles about when and how much to self-disclose. Perhaps as a group we could practice using self-disclose appropriately by analyzing and sharing our specific reactions to teammates self-disclosure.
I think the teams for this exercise should be decided by completely random draw. This would allow for people to likely connect with at least a few people that they would have chosen themselves, and others that they have had no real interaction with so far. This setup seems ideal for creating new relationships and thinking about communicating with people we don’t feel initially drawn to and also develop more meaningful communications with those we already feel most comfortable with choosing to work with.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 9:31 pm
From the readings, I will use the information to gauge everyone’s level of self-disclosure in order to build a relationship. We must take into consideration everyone’s thoughts, feelings, and needs to try to find something we can all share in common for the midterm. Hopefully, we can all be honest with each other to prevent any misunderstandings between us. I hope we can all be assertive with our ideas, while at the same time taking into consideration what is best for the group. I feel that at any point if one of us gets frustrated, hopefully that person will be willing to talk it out with all of us in order to agree on a certain issue. I think this assignment will be a test as to how we can adapt to each other and how we will deal with what we need to do.
Some goals I would like to see accomplish during this midterm is to work well together, getting things done on time, getting to know each other, each person has an equal amount of work, and to learn something from each other. We all have our own styles as to what we want to do and hopefully we can incorporate aspects of each person to create a nice finished product. I think we all have similar goals, but the problem is, most of us have different ways of achieving goals. It will be interesting to see much we will be willing to communicate with each other, but hopefully we will all be comfortable with each other in no time.
As far as how teammates should be put together, I think randomly picking people would be an amusing experiment. For example, names could be picked out of a hat. I know people would rather be working with people they think they’ll be comfortable with, but I think that we’ll learn a lot more from each other if it’s random. We all have so much to contribute that I don’t see how grouping us randomly would be a disaster. With any group project, there’s always a risk, so why not take another one?
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 9:51 pm
I feel as though these readings are essential to what we are learning about interpersonal communication. For instance the readings from Alberti and Emmons are the most important to our learnings. I base this off of my own experience with the readings. I learned a lot about how to be assertive in particular circumstances with different cultures. I feel that I learned a lot about politeness, along with facts that I had not spent much time considering regarding other cultures. I never actually considered that depending on whom I’m talking to, that if I feel as though I am being polite to somebody from another culture, I may actual be seeming rude or inferior.
I feel as these readings listed above gave me the best understanding of most importantly politeness, and how we need to keep in mind how we may come across to people of other cultures. I feel as though these readings will help with our group efforts because we are very much strangers to each other still. We do know that we are in the same class, and we may remember what we have read from a class mate before in discussions. But outside of class we have no relationship and are complete strangers. Having not met in person, I feel we are basically strangers. We do not have conversations with each other in class, although we do communicate; it is not the same as having a personal face to face conversation. Bringing me to the point that I feel as though after looking at the reading that deals with how we can put our emotions into words, and deal with our emotions through conversation will benefit us in our group efforts. Like mentioned above we have not had any conversations where we’ve shared much emotion. Although this reading is beneficial for our future conversations, I do not feel as though it pertains to our work in class. The reading that deals with how to express our emotions to strangers, and how we can share our thoughts to strangers will be beneficial. This is because we are all very much strangers, and we will have to share our thoughts when we work together as a group, and the general class-discussions. Therefore we have learned different methods of how we can share emotions and our thoughts to one another in this class, but also to strangers for the rest of our lives.
I think that it is a great idea to have the midterm as a collective effort. We will all have to work together, testing our interpersonal communication skills. I’m confident that everyone in our class has had their interpersonal communications skills improve since we’ve started this class. Although I’m sure we still have more improvement ahead of us. I think the midterm is a great way of showing what we have learned thus far. And by working together in groups we are keeping the course name and the information we learn in class very much present as we are assessed for our midterm. I look forward to working together in groups with students from our class. I think this experience will be a lot easier through the computer as opposed to meeting in person. This is something I have never experienced in any class prior to comm 250. I feel that Steph will do a good job in choosing who we work with. I trust her judgment, and look forward to finding out who she has chosen for all of us.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 9:56 pm
After reading the article summaries written by my classmates it is very apparent that the team activity will be very interesting in terms of how each person will try to communicate their ideas to the group. We have learned the tie-ins with active listening, nexting and consequentiality and as a result, more and more people are realizing what to look for in respect to these three ideas when reading something they are going to respond to. The first blog posts contained for example, instances of nexting but nobody knew that they were doing it. It was almost natural to politely and respectfully ask more questions in response to someone else’s learning experience like in a closed script. The articles we read and summarized in groups provide more ideas about IPC that utilize ones we already know (nexting etc.) such as self-disclosure, expression, openness and the effect on ones self image as well as assertiveness. These factors will make it cool to see how teams interact with each other during whatever it is we will be doing.
I feel that the articles presented in unit 5 all directly have to do with self presentation and the image of the sender. David Johnson uses the expression “self presentation” in “Being Open With and to Other People” when thinking about “impression management”. How open one is when communicating shapes how the receiver perceives the sender and the sender can “manage” their own impression on the receiver through self-disclosure. What you decide to be open about with someone is explained by Rosenfeld and Richman. Their article, “When, How, What to Self-Disclose” says that it depends upon the comfort and trust level between the two people communicating. Once the level of self-disclosure has been established you must identify your feelings and interpret them according to the established comfort level in the relationship. This relates to Gottman in “Putting Feelings Into Words” because before you can identify what feelings you should discuss with a particular interlocutor you must figure out what “level” of self-disclosure you are at. All of these ideas are sort of interdependent upon each other when thinking about IPC. I will be thinking about all of these during the team activities in order to better learn about my team members and their styles of communication in order to get the job done in an efficient, fair and balanced way. All of us internally think about this stuff differently from one another but we will find out how all of these different styles will work with each other to produce a collectively favorable outcome.
In regard to the team selection I agree with the random idea. I agree with it because people who have already been interlocutors will interact differently than people who have never been interlocutors. Also, there will be a mix of these two types of people which will provide a robust array of communication styles to observe going on between team members. In the event that one whole team is made up of previous interlocutors and another may be made up entirely of first time interlocutors it will be like night and day when comparing their communications side by side. I have no idea what to expect in the team section of the class but neither does anyone else! Let us randomize.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 10:19 pm
When trying to make people understand my perspective, I have to communicate my whole message, which consists of my observations, thoughts, feelings, and needs. If I communicate a partial or contaminated message to my group members, they might become confused and we will not make it to the next step. My expression must be direct and clear, I am apart of this unit and I will do my part to make it work! I will try to use impression management so my teammates will know I want to do the work and want to be apart of the team. Basically, I need to exhale positive attitude about our situation as students in a group project, and I need to express clearly and directly that I want to do the work and that this whole process could even be fun. Hopefully this project will just be a frenzy of nexting from the beginning.
I think people that requested (in the preference lists) to be in groups together should be able to work together because the fact that they requested each other shows they have built a relationship/meaning together, and why not let them communicate more. You could also create the groups based on who you think would work best together.
Wednesday July 30, 2008 at 10:47 pm
After reading all of the posts in the discussion thread based on different readings, one thing came across my mind. Somehow, all of these readings are related to one another and they seem to sum up into one main idea: be yourself if you want to build relationships with the others.
We all know how communication helps people to build relationships, but having communication does not always lead us to build strong relationships. We sometimes pretend ourselves to be someone else depending on the situations, and we are afraid of expressing our true feelings to the others. However, all of the readings suggest that revealing our real identities is the only way to get succeed in building relationships. The more you reveal yourself to the others, there are more chances available for you to have closer bond with the others. First, “Being Open With and to Other People” by David Johnson suggests that we need to be open in order to start any communication or relationships. Listening and “nexting” are considered as good skills to open oneself in communication. Also, it mentions about the importance of self-disclosure and how we can use it to represent ourselves in conversations. “What to Tell: Deciding When, How, and What to Self-Disclose”, by Rosenfeld and Richman, provides the ways to use self-disclosure efficiently. It also recommends to control the usage of self-disclosure since too much of self-disclosure can have possibilities to create bad impressions to the others. Along with self-disclosure, assertive behavior is another important key point while having conversations. “What it Means to be Assertive” by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons states that assertive behavior can be referred as a positive self-affirmation. However, we have to limit this assertive behavior based on the consideration of cultural differences. “Putting feelings into words” by John M. Gottman and “Expressing” by Matthew McKay, Martha Davis, and Patrick Fanning have similar ideas of how expressing your inner emotions and experiences can help you to build closer bond with the others. Expressing feelings or thoughts can be another way to self-disclosure. In other words, we do not have to worry about building strong relationships as long as we know how to be self-disclosure, assertive, and experienced with sharing inner thoughts, or emotions which are the ways to reveal one’s identity.
For the criteria of selecting teams, I think everyone in this class works hard, and it would not make much differences whether the groups have been chosen randomly or with commonalities.
Thursday July 31, 2008 at 8:33 am
Group work has everthing to do with good communication. Especially online because there is not face to face conversations and ideas can be easily miss communicated. “Rehearsing what you want to say irregardless of what your interlocutor is saying is not a collaborative form of nexting; this is a move for control, an act of communication designed to assert your own point-of-view. But exhaling in this way – expressing yourself without having fully inhaled your interlocutor’s message – is an example of the weak form of nexting.”( Stephanie Jo Kent). Exhaling is a way that involves good nexting seems to be the most proactive way to communicate effectively. Group work involves learning from each other not tell other people what to because “I know everything”. Learning how other people have taken the materiel can be very useful to understanding it well yourself.
Listening can be more important than throwing out your own ideas. If we do not listen well we can not use nexting effectively. “Nexting requires an understanding of what your interlocutor is saying, and if your partner is actually listening to you, they could just as equally and effectively next you (that sounds odd, but hey, what can you do?).”(Cake) In group work we can not entirely know why someone is offering more information or less because we do not know them well as a person. Many of the exercises we have done have helped to open the communication. Working online can be hard in some cases because ideas can be lost but it can also give people confidence. Working online takes away subconscious biases and allows us to communicate freely without being worried about what people think of us.
I think the best way to pick who is in a group should be completely random because we all have different ways of writing and communicating. I think it would be hard if everyone in a group did things the same way because there would be no variation in the quality of the work. If groups are picked at random there will be a good mix of everyone. If we try to hard to make the groups different I think communication will be disrupted and work will go slow.
Thursday July 31, 2008 at 1:52 pm
[...] one huge problem with the section of our text book on “exhaling” – especially because your replies (which I have only been able to scan through very quickly at this point) reinforce my concern: the [...]
Saturday August 2, 2008 at 12:55 am
I agree with topothemorn about the point that group work involves good communication and that ideas can easily be miscommunicated due to this class being conducted online. When working in a group it is the teams responsibility to executed proper “inhaling” and “exhaling” techniques with the help of good “listening” and “nexting” skills, thus creating an opportunity for a positive result in the end.
Saturday August 2, 2008 at 9:16 pm
I agree with saboy82 when he says, “After reviewing the main ideas from the articles, it is made clear that although they compliment each other, there is also a hint of redundancy in a way were the same idea is expressed in a similar manner.”
I also feel that we are communicating about communicating too much. People seem to be at a stand still, and are just continually repeating ourselves over and over again. I first felt that I was learning a lot, now I am not so sure. It’s not very fun to listen about listening or communicating about communicating. I think we should start discussing real issues, then analyze how we went about the communication flow, and what we could have done better. I feel that the discussions are almost becoming too abstract and without substance.
I really don’t think that all of Rosenfeld and Richman’s points about disclosure should apply to our discussions. None of us really know who anyone really is. We can say whatever we want without any major consequences. The whole point of these discussions is to have open dialogue, so why disclose how you really feel? Maybe I’m missing the point.
jimigarcia27 said something interesting, “ I think as far as dealing with personal issues, putting emotions into words is important but as far as interacting with strangers there isn’t a need to be expressing that much emotion. I think it’s important to share personal experiences to express what you’ve been through but I don’t think it is necessary to share the most personal of emotions.”
I agree and disagree with what Jimigarcia27 says, because it’s true that it becomes very uncomfortable to discuss deep emotions with complete strangers, but I disagree because the way that this class is structured, we still have a great deal of anonymity. When we leave this class, we won’t be able to identify anyone else that took the course. Because of this secrecy, I think that it’s possible for people to be much more honest than usual, because there isn’t any consequence, beyond a written response.
Johnniedrama said something that I really connected with,”You can further your relationship with your group by trusting them and listening to them, but also having the knowledge that the bond between group members is a fragile one.” I couldn’t agree more with this statement. But I also believe that we don’t have a need for disclosure if everyone participates in a respectful manner. As long as we respect our responses, we don’t really need to disclose. There is a thin line there when everyone is being assertive, because it runs there risk of treading on disrespectful interactions and this leads to fights. It’s okay to argue in order to learn more, but when you start to try and win the battle, that’s when it gets away from learning and works as a tool to separate us further.
It’s clear that from reading about John’s asbergers that he had very unconventional ways of expressing his emotions through communications. He had a mind that works very differently than your average, and he obviously struggled with his forming of relationships. He had a very unique way of expressing himself that left most people confused and turned off from their experience. From my experiences in life, I have found certain ways to be effective in getting a point across or certain cues that can help things flow better. It seems very tough for children with asbergers to “inhale” and to pick up on social cues and standards in social framework. Sometimes being straight forward can hurt you more than it helps. Communication is like fencing. You have to set things up correctly in order to harness true power and effectiveness. Everyone has a different approach to expression, and some can be more difficult for us to deal with than others. But it appears that John is able to learn to converse better by seeing what had been effective in the past and what wasn’t working so well. If one is able to analyze his communication, we can find where we struggled and try to improve on our future interactions. It’s a learning experience for all of us; some can just pick up on things quicker than others. Also, everyone has their own style, and some styles adhere to others styles better. Sometimes you can find the oddest coupling of comm. styles that seem to work well although we are not fully aware why this is. I’ve known children that are similar to John in that they have trouble putting things together and are sometimes, completely unaware of how their actions and ways are interpreted by others. It can be difficult to deal with but everyone has something important to offer, and often times through these awkward conversations that we have, we realize things that we would have never thought about had it not been for such an interaction.
As for how to identify how others do emotions, I am at a loss. I find it very hard to sense emotion when I can’t hear the person or see their facial expressions. Writing can be one of the most deceiving forms of communications because you are projecting your inner emotions onto the words that someone else has written. Often times we can interpret others feelings incorrectly. But as I have said before, learning and respect need to be the cornerstone in order for successful interaction to be achieved.
Sunday August 3, 2008 at 9:34 am
All of the readings that we have read thus far, discuss terms that are very important, relevant, and relate to one another. Communication skills are essential for a happy life with successful relationships and life achievement. My classmates and I have all, in completing our homework and reading through each others’ writing, learned the necessity to be aware when communicating, and what various aspects and concepts pertain to communication. In order to work in a group, especially one in which physical contact is not an option, proper communication tactics are crucial.
Mckay, Davis, and Fanning discuss what they explain to be the key to effective communication. They say that being clear and direct is necessary, and both are obvious necessities for a group project to go smoothly. In “Putting Feelings Into Words,” Gotman reviews the way to truly understand emotions; we must separate and name them. People feel/ have the need to control their emotions, as it affects our behavior, thus the way we communicate, greatly. Once we understand our feelings we will be able to share them with others in a regulated, appropriate fashion. Such a skill is essential when doing work with peers, because it prevents fighting and drama throughout the group work.
Johnson wrote, in my opinion, a very powerful piece called “Being Open With and To Other People.” In the article he defines aspects of human nature that dominate our actions and how we (choose to) communicate with one another. He introduces the matter of self-disclosure, what we share and do not share with those around us, and how it impacts our relationships. Self presentation, he explains, also holds great weight, as we are, and should be, concerned with how others views us, and we tend to hold back certain areas of ourselves, and words, so as to portray a more favorable image of ourselves. Johnson’s article teaches all of us that we must be open, but not give out too much of oneself; it is imperative to be respectful as well, and that is the only way for a group to work effectively.
With regards to selecting the groups, I believe there are two things that must be considered most important. First, is the list people gave of those they did not feel as comfortable/ compatible with. I believe that such specification needs attention. Secondly, I think a bit of randomness in order. Throughout the course thus far we have chosen who to respond to, and who not to. Therefore, for our first group project, I feel that a random grouping would be both fun and interesting.
Monday August 4, 2008 at 3:11 pm
[...] in a group online is going to have its own little problems and advantages, and <a href=”http://aplaceinspace.wordpress.com/2008/07/29/nexting-and-being-nexted-what-we-exhale-becomes-us/#co…”>singer12</a> states that “in order to work in a group, especially one in which [...]
Monday August 4, 2008 at 7:34 pm
[...] Fellow teammate Saboy82 summarizes that through a “a hint of redundancy” the main idea from the articles [...]
Monday August 4, 2008 at 8:07 pm
[...] Topofthemorning really hits upon the larger picture of the preliminary readings when stating in his comment, “Group work has everything to do with good communication.” This statement is very true. In [...]
Monday August 4, 2008 at 9:07 pm
[...] DeliverMeSummer is going to be the de facto leader and impartial moderator of the group. Based on what she has written about nexting and exhaling, one can see that she puts the “group dynamic” in the forefront of all her topics – [...]
Monday August 4, 2008 at 9:28 pm
[...] emotions to a step that our groups should be taking with our midterm project. They say, “Having not met in person, I feel we are basically strangers.” And “…outside of class we have no [...]
Monday August 4, 2008 at 9:52 pm
[...] http://aplaceinspace.wordpress.com/2008/07/29/nexting-and-being-nexted-what-we-exhale-becomes-us/#co... [...]
Monday August 4, 2008 at 10:50 pm
[...] me trouble to show myself to the others which also makes harder to “nexting”. <a herf=”http://aplaceinspace.wordpress.com/2008/07/29/nexting-and-being-nexted-what-we-exhale-becomes-us/#co…“>Thecakeisalie</> said “when you’re nervous, your thoughts become jumbled and [...]
Tuesday August 5, 2008 at 11:51 am
[...] match”, “people who show similar styles to their postings should be paired together” (4:3 – Jimigarcia27 7:30 pm 7/29/08). From reading my teammates’ postings, it seems to me that our posting styles [...]
Saturday August 9, 2008 at 11:41 am
[...] Saturday August 9, 2008 “a frenzy of nexting” (on conspiracy and structure) Posted by Stephanie Jo Kent under Creating a Conversation, Interpersonal Communication, citizenship, dialogue, discourse, group relations, institutions, language, learning, teaching (current) Title Quote: SpiceyNoodleSoup [...]
Saturday August 9, 2008 at 2:09 pm
[...] However they hold their ground by sticking to the idea that they chose. (I like and agree with what Spiceynoodlesoup offers saying “hopefully this project will just be a frenzy of nexting from the beginning.”) [...]
Sunday August 10, 2008 at 12:59 pm
[...] all made a couple topics back. As I have stated in an earlier comment on Steph’s blog about Nexting and being nexted, I feel that there is a mysterious conspiracy going on within this class. I mean, I guess that it [...]
Saturday August 16, 2008 at 12:13 pm
[...] and relate with the idea of recognizing a comfort level before you disclose personal emotions. “Once the level of self-disclosure has been established you must identify your feelings and interpret [...]
Sunday August 17, 2008 at 9:37 am
[...] nexted: what we exhale becomes us. Once again, Johnnie is using strong and assertive writing – “I feel that my colleagues are not seeing these articles the way that they were intended to be seen.” He tries to create the illusion that his level of perception is above that of his classmates [...]
Sunday August 17, 2008 at 9:53 am
[...] and relate with the idea of recognizing a comfort level before you disclose personal emotions. “Once the level of self-disclosure has been established you must identify your feelings and interpret [...]