Dear class,
It is almost the last day! You have been such engaged learners. 
I hope the labor of the class will not outweigh its value as you each move on into your own futures.
We have one more major task to accomplish. You may have noticed that the actual description of the class names a bunch of communication theories which we have not even mentioned. My strategy has been practical, first, and theoretical second. This is a bias I have regarding education, most people simply call it hands-on learning. Now that we have had our hands (minds and hearts) “in it” for the past five and a half weeks, we really must take a peek at the ways different theories propose to make sense of interpersonal communication (this real thing we do with each other). The editor and contributors to our textbook are generally in agreement with each other; as I have mentioned before, there is a bit of a problem with such a total package. Not everyone examines IPC in the same ways, nor seeks similar goals from it, nor even values it with comparable priority in relation to other aspects of human social life.
For instance, a specific theory called The Coordinated Management of Meaning identifies a hierarchy of meaning based on source – what we might call using John Stewart (our textbook author) metaphor of breathing, all the things we inhale. But the meaningfulness of all those inhales are directed by two rules that guide our exhales so that we stay within whatever we think is normal for that interaction. One of the originators of this theory teaches in the Communication Department at UMass. Professor Cronen tells an anecdote about a couple receiving couples counseling using the CMM theory: they consistently <i>misunderstood</I> each other but the meaning they made together worked for their relationship!
A more general field of theory that encompasses a range of variations is known as the ethnography of communication. My first theoretical training was in this area, with its emphasis on communication patterns based in/upon some common codes that are shared by/within groups. I was fascinated by the attempt to make sense of “the interrelationships among language, culture, and society” (Bauman and Sherzer, 1975).
These two strands of theory have different roots. The latter privileges code and group, while the former privileges rule and the individual. The distinction between “code” and “rule” occupies plenty of abstract theoretical attention, but the locus of communicative activity as being either the group or the individual is a crucial and determinative matter. Neither theory (nor their advocates) would attribute linear causality to one or the other, but they do privilege one over the other – as do most of us. Be honest! Do you imagine that interpersonal communication begins with you (what you say, what you mean?), or do you believe that interpersonal communication begins with everything everyone else says and means? (Recall the chicken-egg debate! Or was it egg-chicken?!)
We have talked about how communication influences – even creates – identity; and we have also noticed the differences between the relationships that happen with interpersonal communication occurring online (as we have been doing, sometimes called “computer-mediated communication“) and IPC that occurs IRL (in real life), or face-to-face (f2f). We steered away from relational communication with intimates (family, spouse, etc), while focusing on impression management (especially following Goffman).
The theory that has actually guided my decisions about what/how to teach are those that relate to discourse, in particular, I am most drawn to and inspired by critical discourse theory. It is the attention I’ve paid over the years to discourses that contributes to a sense of trust in certain patterns of interaction, my teaching (and communication, in general) is shaped by intuitions concerning which patterns are in play at given junctures of group development. I am rarely “right” in any definitive way, and I am often surprised – which keeps things alive and fascinating. The surprises during this course have been delightful: I am not exaggerating to applaud the ways in which each of you rose to the occasion and challenges of this class. We have created something special together – I hope you are as proud of us as I am!
Don’t be shy about coming back, whenever. I’ll be doing this work for the rest of my life.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 9:24 am
Early last week I was in an argument with a band-mate. We initially started the project as a fun hobby to exercise creativity amidst our education here at UMass. That was just over 2 years ago. After that amount of time had passed, the focus became on progression, and recording, and shows, and all sorts of “business” oriented activities. As a correlation, we stopped listening to each other. Instead of communicating with each other and listening, we acted with the best interests of the band in mind, even though this was not in the best interests of either individual. There was no “nexting” going on, no “inhaling and exhaling”. We became cranky with each other whenever non-music activities were going on. We stopped “letting the other happen to us” when appropriate, and almost as a rule starting “standing our own ground” on principle, rather than merit. Unfortunately we are not on speaking terms right now, and I have lost a close friend. It’s embarrassing that this sort of nonsense can happen over something like a collective creative outlet. It makes me love anonymity and lack of fame because it would be so easy to make everyone involved look like an ass on VH1’s next Behind the Music series. I was not at all apt to handle this situation while it was unfolding, but after analyzing and studying a number of the concepts in this class, I am prepared to reflect on it and achieve an understanding of it, if nothing else.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 10:16 am
Whoo, big sigh.
) that I find most value, it would have to be the idea of tensionality as it relates to balance and interpersonal communication. Take, for instance, the following example. Last Wednesday, I departed from the New York City area with my mother – we headed to Washington, DC, our first stop of a cross-country trip. We had some great conversations throughout the Midwest and well into the South Dakota plains. Right around the SD-Wyoming border, emotions finally got the better of us and we didn’t say a word to each other for the next two hours (long when you’re driving on a straight road in the middle of Wyoming). When we finally spoke again, there was A LOT of expression of emotion. With this class in the back of my mind, I really made an effort to put what I was feeling into words – and it worked (so, you could say that I find putting emotions into words is a valuable lesson learned as well). But, taking a step back from it all, there have been key instances (the “fight” above included), where the spectrum of tensionality has shifted. It’s been incredible to experience the dynamic and change in roles. For the entire trip (minus those two hours), we’ve been supporting each other, pushing the other one on. Another (and perhaps more suitable example) is our twelve mile hike in Glacier National Park. I wanted to see Grinnell Glacier– a 0.6 mile hike with an elevation gain of about 1,000 feet (nothing short of strenuous). About half way up, I turned to my mother and asked if she wanted to continue (I certainly didn’t) but she pushed onward (giving me strength). About another quarter of the way up, I turned around and realized she wasn’t behind me (she had turned around) – but, she had given me the strength to continue. The last four mile stretch of the hike was grueling only because we were SO tired. It was my turn to keep the positive attitude, and to keep her moving forward.
This class has been wonderful. What I love most about the class is that I’ve learned about so many things that are interrelated – the whole notion of tensionality and development of self, nexting and consequentiality, assertion and fierceness, expression of emotions, etc. If I had to pick one thing (and it seems that I do
I liked reading about the “Coordinated Management of Meaning” from Steph’s blog post. Furthermore, I feel that Steph’s statement (and subsequent “nexting” questions), “Neither theory (nor their advocates) would attribute linear causality to one or the other, but they do privilege one over the other – as do most of us,” really encapsulate my experiences and learning with this class. Nothing is ever linear – we are constantly absorbing and adapting and reacting to the world around us – what we see and hear, how others react and interact with us. It constantly molds us and shapes us, and influences the way that we deal with others.
And, like Memphisburns just wrote, we’ll likely use these skills that we’ve learned to improve our relationship with others. Ultimately, that is what makes us human.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 11:46 am
Aside from being a comm major, I am very interested in communication. As far as a competing theory of interpersonal communication is concerned, I would definitely like to learn more about the ethnography of communication theory. I wrote about this one in my previous assignment but I feel as though the information I acquired was minimal compared to the theory really involves. Now, as for learning about interpersonal communication,it has definitely been eye-opening. The first thing that had stuck out to me was the idea of “nexting.” As I had described in a previous post or blog, I was doing the first assignment on nexting while arguing with my boyfriend. Like all arguments go, I was getting annoyed and retracting from the situation while he was further instigating what I would call conflict. The second I had read something along the lines of “nexting allows you to take the next step, no matter how badly things are you have the power to change them for a more positive direction,” it was like a blessing in disguise. Instead of fighting back I decided to LISTEN (not just hear) and next effectively, changing the entire path of our argument. A few weeks later my best friend was in my room and notice our textbook on my dresser. She said, “Bridges Not Walls! I’m so familiar!” She explained she used the same book in her interpersonal communications class at her school GWU. Later that day, she too was fighting with her boyfriend (ironically her and I are in similar positions with our significant others). I said to her, “Morgan, not to sound like a dork but do you remember anything you learned from your interpersonal communications class?” She responded, in her normal Morgan-like manner, “Are mildly insane? NO that was TWO years ago, I can hardly remember what I did last night!” So, we engaged in a little lesson in interpersonal communication where I briefed her on the importance of dialogic listening, nexting, inhaling, exhaling, so on and so forth. I said to her, “Morgan I KNOW you are stubborn, but why don’t you apply what we have spoken about, what you had learned in your class (since that is after all what college is for) and apply to your little situation with your boyfriend.” Reluctantly, she did indeed do as I recommend and came back and said, “you know An, not to sound like a dork (haha) but our lesson on interpersonal comm. actually helped me resolve mine and my boyfriend’s argument.” I thought to myself, well it has helped me, and it has helped you, it is undoubtedly something that can help anyone and everyone.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Where has this class taken me in the past 6 weeks. Well I have been in Europe the past 6 weeks and wall learning about Europe, my internship and interpersonal communication I have been very busy and in much need of a well deserved break if you ask me. Over the summer I do not think I learned a lot but I actually did. I feel like much of this was just reiterating the same topic in different ways. I will tell you I am an individual on this and tend to lean differently then most people. When I get board of a subject I tune it out and as much as I know I should be paying more attention I had trouble relating most of this to real world experiences but I managed to. Nexting and Inhaling I thought was very important but really nothing I didn’t understand before I started the class. This class was about trying to make walls into bridges and I feel like this is done though inhaling and understanding a person and exhaling in trying to make the other person know you understand what they are talking about furthering the conversation.
I remember a post from jonnyDrama. Explaining how he thought he thought my ideas tended to lean on the side of the bigger picture. Steph also noted this in grading one of my assignments. I never really thought about this until it was mentioned. Jonnydrama was just responding to home work assignment but I really enjoyed getting feedback about my writing like this. He was just saying exactly what he thought unbiased because he doesn’t know who I am. This class added an element to school work that has so much to do with peer review. I am clearly not the smarted guy in the room and it helps me think about my work when all of my classmates get to look at it. I don’t think I could do something like this in a regular class because I would personally know so many of the people and be scared people would judge me. I hate being judges on my work because I am trying to lean and I am sure I make more mistakes then the average person.
I know I say I didn’t learn that much but I seemed to have learned in a different way than I am used to. This class had little to do with hearing lectures from Steph or reading a book. Although we did do both it seems like this had more to do with actually finding a way to teach your self though other peoples posts and interpretation of the subject. The entire class was one big forum to communicate how we communicate. One of the things that this class has that no other class I have taken has is its ability for me to evaluate my self in comparison to other people. It is just the way they write and do home work .I could really see where I am in comparison to other college students. This was a very valuable tool taken out of this coerce.
Besides the obvious I found some of the material in this course useful in trying to understand the new word I was in this summer. I was able to identify the conversations I was having with people on my travels through Europe. Inhailing thinking about what people were telling me and trying to next with them to learn about there culture. The enter time I am not sure they would understand what I was trying to get out of them so I used little tricks such as talking about American politics with them to lean what its like to live in Ireland, Holland or England. I wasn’t censured about what they thought of how the United States is run but I enjoyed them comparing the USA to there country and the image the United States gives off to them.
So yes I learned a lot from the class just in a different way then I imaged when I joined the class and in a different way then I have ever learned in a class. For me the intricacies of the class were hard and the explanations of what I needed to do sometimes really tested my patents. Doing this all online was hard but eye opening.
For what I would have a liked to learn more about…“A more general field of theory that encompasses a range of variations is known as the ethnography of communication. My first theoretical training was in this area, with its emphasis on communication patterns based in/upon some common codes that are shared by/within groups. I was fascinated by the attempt to make sense of “the interrelationships among language, culture, and society” (Bauman and Sherzer, 1975).” I was really interested to understand why I can talk to people from the Northeast so well and fluently but when I talk to people from around the world in English we have different ways of explaining and understanding things. I do understand the obvious but more detail would be helpful.
.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Something I realized about myself during this course is that I tend to shy away from expressing negative emotions toward others, and that I am rarely a leader. When the group project began, my teammates and I experienced an incredible amount of frustration in trying to communicate. We simply could not arrange meeting times. At every point in my life when this has happened, I have simply sat back and waited for someone else to take charge. I have never liked having people look to me to know what is going on. I waited and waited, but it seemed like all of my group members had similar mentalities. I was too afraid to complain to my teammates that I didn’t feel they were trying hard enough to work on the assignment. Finally I decided I could not let us get a zero on the project, and I told everyone when to meet, and assigned tasks to complete. It was strange at first to have other people asking me for direction, but toward the end I began to enjoy it. The most important thing I learned from this course is that I don’t have to wait to let someone else be a leader. It is not as hard as I had thought, and it feels good to know exactly what is going on. I am glad Steph put together our group the way she did; otherwise someone else would have taken charge first, and I would not have learned this about myself. If I was going to further study one of the theories of interpersonal communication, I would choose the ethnography of communication. I think the way groups interact within themselves and with each other is fascinating. There are so many different groups at Umass that people identify with, yet we are all part of a larger group, the university. We are also all part of the same earth! However, many people identify themselves as jocks, or nerds, or hippies, and so on. It would be interesting to study how people interact within and across these groups. I laughed when I read Commsyr’s comment, because I too thought of my boyfriend when I read about nexting. It really struck me when I read that the next move you make in a conversation always has the potential to be more positive. Thinking about this can definitely keep an argument from getting out of hand. I have enjoyed this class very much, and did not realize how much I actually learned until this last assignment.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 12:29 pm
http://aplaceinspace.wordpress.com/2008/08/18/competing-theories-of-ipc/#comment-1487
Something I realized about myself during this course is that I tend to shy away from expressing negative emotions toward others, and that I am rarely a leader. When the group project began, my teammates and I experienced an incredible amount of frustration in trying to communicate. We simply could not arrange meeting times. At every point in my life when this has happened, I have simply sat back and waited for someone else to take charge. I have never liked having people look to me to know what is going on. I waited and waited, but it seemed like all of my group members had similar mentalities. I was too afraid to complain to my teammates that I didn’t feel they were trying hard enough to work on the assignment. Finally I decided I could not let us get a zero on the project, and I told everyone when to meet, and assigned tasks to complete. It was strange at first to have other people asking me for direction, but toward the end I began to enjoy it. The most important thing I learned from this course is that I don’t have to wait to let someone else be a leader. It is not as hard as I had thought, and it feels good to know exactly what is going on. I am glad Steph put together our group the way she did; otherwise someone else would have taken charge first, and I would not have learned this about myself. If I was going to further study one of the theories of interpersonal communication, I would choose the ethnography of communication. I think the way groups interact within themselves and with each other is fascinating. There are so many different groups at Umass that people identify with, yet we are all part of a larger group, the university. We are also all part of the same earth! However, many people identify themselves as jocks, or nerds, or hippies, and so on. It would be interesting to study how people interact within and across these groups. I laughed when I read Commsyr’s comment, because I too thought of my boyfriend when I read about nexting. It really struck me when I read that the next move you make in a conversation always has the potential to be more positive. Thinking about this can definitely keep an argument from getting out of hand. I have enjoyed this class very much, and did not realize how much I actually learned until this last assignment.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Having good communications skills is the most important thing I learned from this class. I really like the whole concept of interpersonal communication like all the articles we read very interesting to me. But for some odd reason I Bohm article On Communication really stuck with me. The thing that really stuck out to me was where he talks about “people living in different nations, with different economic and political systems, are hardly able to talk to each other with out fighting.”(p.47) I never really thought about it like that before people have wars because they cant compermise on things so they let the fighting do the talking for them. If we could come together as one and not be so bias about what other people think and have open minds the world would run so much smoother it would be a much happier and relaxed place. Tannen wishes the we as people could replace all of our arguments with dialogue and just be able to communicate with each other.
In steph blog she talks about computer mediated communication this is the type of communication that happened in this class because we only communicated with each only through messages, emails, and blogs as far as I know of. By us only talking on the internet it has influenced the way we talk to each other. I’m sure if we took this class in person our dialogue would have been way more different. Some people in our class may be to connect better with people over the internet instead of in real life. So this doesn’t give us the real idea how people are in the life because the situations aren’t the same at all.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Farewell
Honestly, I did not think I would be able to learn as much as I did about communications in an online class. At first I was somewhat critical about how this online environment would affect my communication attempts towards my classmates and professor, but it was actually the online environment that enabled my learning. (Like I have mentioned one million times before!) I am originally not from the US, and so have experienced communication barriers when trying to express myself in classrooms. I tend to hesitate and really think if I want to make a comment in class (because of the fear of “sounding dumb” or just have a sense about the lack of interest showed by the students in the class and don’t want to “waste my time”). The “open” format in which the discussions were held in the class made it possible for me to express my ideas in my own way without having to worry what others think (since I don’t have to see anyone face to face). Like some of my classmates have mentioned, one of my favorite parts of the course was David Bohm’s article “On Communication”. It has stayed in my mind especially because of the separation in generations (causing students to feel overwhelmed) that Bohms mentions exists in classroom environments today, “flood of information which they (students) suspect is irrelevant to actual life” (Bohm 47). I have seen this myself in all my classes, professors “flooding” students with information and bored students taking notes, not the way I imagined college to be. Thank god this class was different.
One of the other theories that I would have like to study is “Impression Management”. It is very interesting to know how to control or somehow influence others so that they can see you in the way you want to be seen. This can be beneficial when meeting new people, looking for a job, speaking with family and friends, or getting out of trouble with the cops! It sounds like something I would benefit form and it seems to be fun as well. This would have been useful in the online environment since we can “come across” as being one person when in reality we are different in person (face to face).
URL:
http://gym411.wordpress.com/2008/08/20/farewell/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impression_management
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Over the past six weeks it has been important to learn the terminology and clarifying meanings of listening, nexting, emotion, dialogue, respect, disclosure, and openness to that independently and yet consequently affect communication.
I did have an aha moment. It was at work on afternoon and the night before we had discussed “nexting.” My office is normally very quiet, but this one particular afternoon there were four or five people in the office and all of a sudden everyone was trying to speak at the same time and I just sat back and observed. One person was speaking, the next one was saying, “I know just how you feel.” The next person was starting to say that she had a better story. And the last person was sitting quietly. It was a humorous moment. I was able to watch each of the participants interaction and how they responded to each other or “happening to each other” or “standing their ground.” Communication was and will be forever to me a process. I have also noticed how we communicate differently in different relationships, our spouses or fellow employees. It is very fascinating.
During our team discussions in the chat room a different type of communication occurred. We used humor to lighten the stress of the assignment and were very productive when we needed. In fact several members went beyond their responsibilities to assist with my lack of knowledge with technology. There was an objective we were trying to achieve.
After reading Steph’s final blogpost, “competing theories of interpersonal communication,” I believe I would have an interest in exploring the “Coordinated management of Meaning.” The concept seems very interesting and I enjoyed John Stewart’s writings in the text. Some of it agreed with and other parts I question. But that is what makes us learn.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 7:38 pm
This class has forced to me think of communication in a very different way. Before I took this class, I never thought that much about how I come across to others. But as we read and discussed communication I began to realize that I cater to other people way too much. I began to ask myself, “ Why do I converse with others?” I didn’t like the response that I gave to myself. I realized that far too often I find myself trying to impress others, as opposed to challenging others and learning from others.
There were two articles that really spoke to me this semester. One of the pieces was the Fierce Conversation by Susan Scott and the other was Goleman’s Rudiments of Social Intelligence. Both had to do with the ways I which we formulate our interactions with others. In Fierce conversation it talked about being how being aggressive can lead to growth and maturity. For Susan, the act of conversation is more than just passing the time. It’s a way for us to form meaning and to attack one other’s reality. If we are trying too hard to get along with people or just agreeing to be on the person’s good side then we really aren’t accomplishing much with our words. I have found in my personal life that if I challenge someone as opposed to blindly agreeing with them, they tend to cherish my opinion more. Nobody really likes a “yes” man, in fact people respect people who stick their nose out and frown when something isn’t right.
Golman’s piece made me think about my social status as a communicator. It really gave me incredible incite into my tendencies in groups and pointed to why at certain moments of my life, I was disliked for my oratorical style. It also gave me great incite into the way in which social intelligence can be used to accomplish big goals and to change people’s outlook in certain dangerous situations. It was one of those “aha” moments as I read it. It went so far into analyzing the reasoning behind a lot of my realities, and how to improve my social tendencies in the future. It spoke about social intelligence in a way that I had never heard it before, and it made me want to connect with people in a greater magnitude.
There have been times in my life where I wish that I had done more to help the situation. At times it was fear that deterred me, other times it was out of being a complete follower. This writing has taught me what I need to do in the future in order to harness the power that I hold deep inside of me. Don’t ever be afraid to voice your opinion, and to make my goal one of growth instead of one that makes me the likable guy.
If I were to continue to study Interpersonal Communication, I would choose to delve into the Ethnography of Communications. I find it very interesting how different cultures have different ways of communicating. The customs of one culture do not always transfer over to another. All cultures have completely different styles of expressing emotion. I would like to study more on how the surroundings and environment effects the way people converse and what certain cultures tend to do. It’s also interesting to me what communication techniques are universal, transcending your background and upbringing.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Of all the topics that were covered throughout this course, and of all the posts I have written, it is quite coincident that my most profound moment was my group presentation’s topic of role defining vs tensionality. Now you need to believe me on this, I am not brown-nosing, and I am not copping out by selecting this as my most important thing.
If you haven’t read it, and I know its long, read my portions of Who Really Defines Us? Manifestations of Tensionality. It is all really pertinent, but the parts that you should be focusing on all revolve around me. Before you read that, though, you will need to peruse a proper preamble – Love Thy Self: An introspective retrospective. If you have read both of these, then you know why I have selected my finest moment in this course as the entirety surrounding the group project. My self-defined, perceived, and God-given role as a human being is what I hold most supreme in my inventory of self-esteem. And the whole revelation about myself, in terms of defining my role – the push-pull between myself and my interlocuters, the free fall after I communicate waiting for my exhale to be inhaled by another only to be synthesized into a self-actualization of indefinite terms – it has been calming and maddening all at the same time. To know that I only control half of my destiny as a person truly is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s nice to know that I have some control over what others think of me – that’s the way I want it. But if subsequent events to unravel as I had planned, I can merely blame it on my interlocuters – the beauty of ignorance and rationalization.
Obviously, now knowing what we all know about me (due to lackadaisical limits of self-disclosure), it is clear to see what I will find as the most self-serving competing theory, impression management. The theory that is proposed – in synopsis, the theory that every communication that we execute is aimed at shaping how others think of us – is a clear and perfect fit for my life. Shaping how others perceive me, as a person and communicator, is my reasoning, it’s a paraphrase of me, its my ulterior motive, it works for the greater good (read the fourth paragraph), it creates conflict, it creates dialogue, it creates tension, it causes identities to be found, lost, revised, and defended, and, most importantly, it creates purpose. Without the purpose of being conscientious and cautious of how others happen to us, then the only purpose for communication becomes purely utilitarian.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 7:39 pm
As I through Steph’s culmination it takes me back to thinking about “Promoting Dialogue” from Bridges and “Letting the Other Happen to Me”, because what I think that we have been doing here is precisely this. While we have been constructing our identities and “making bridges” instead of putting up “walls” in our ongoing communication we have produced some really great “things” (as Steph would put it!). From chapter 12 on Promoting Dialgue by Stewart and Zediker on Dialogue’s Basic Tension they write that “letting the other happen to me-this means that you let someone happen to you-to touch, connect with, and influence you (615).” My critique/analysis is found at analysis. which further looks at my reflections on this class. Another thing the book mentions about Promoting Dialogue is that “elected officials a national and local levels want better two-way communication with voters. Teachers on campuses across the country want less lecturing and more active involvement and open communication is their classrooms (591).” This is so important, and even more important the fact that Steph has created this goal through the true nature of this online class. She has in fact made it possible to “promote more dialogue” by fostering an environment of “less lecuring and more active involvement” while she has been teaching us the crucial elements of IPC, such as “nexting”, inhaling, exhaling. Steph has done this in way that has not only made us students of IPC but also teachers, by sharing our learning with each other and on a public space.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 7:41 pm
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________i_________________________________says_______________________________________________ been____________________________________________________________________________________ long_______________________________________________________________________________________ could_________________________________________________________________________ could________________________________________.” (p.31, Bridges Not Walls, ed. J. Stewart) This advice has even helped me in a few relationships since doing the reading. I took it upon myself to try to “next” more and try to mend some sour relationships I had at my workplace. By simply thinking about “nexting” I felt a lot of my negative energy that had been focused on a few negative instances of harsh words between myself and coworkers/bosses dissipate. This has made my workday a lot less stressful and I am gaining new friendships in people that I had never before considered attempting to break tensions or mend hostilities with. For this, I truly am glad to have this new perspective.
Of the competing theories of IPC, I feel like the theory of Ethnography of Communication (EOC), would be interesting to learn more about, particularly in relation to my learning experience described above. This theory proposes that distinct cultural groups follow certain “codes” when communicating and is meant to study the interactions between individuals and/or groups. The theory also deals with “what types of meanings groups apply to different communication events” which I think could lead to an interesting analysis of my aforementioned learning experience. Perhaps my past communication blunders had something to do with conflicting “codes” of communication because my coworker and I each interpreted our conversation differently according to different “codes.”
So, I suppose since this is the “farewell” I’ll say how much I’ve really enjoyed being a part of this course! Steph (and everyone else), thanks so much for all your comments and insights, I greatly appreciate your dedication in organizing the class and giving feedback so expediently! So, thanks again and sayonara everyone!
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 8:07 pm
This class had given me a chance to consider about the way I communicate. While doing the assignments on different interpersonal communication skills, I was able to distinguish my strength and weakness in those skills. Among many different communication skill, openness or self-disclosure had given me great impact. Based on what I have learned in this class, I define myself as a good listener but I have to admit that I am not comfortable of being open-minded or disclosing about myself to the others. Especially, I have troubles with expressing myself to the people that I do not know much, and I often act like someone else than myself. In order to find a specific example for this, I tried to think about the relationships that I had so far. Some of the relationships have not been last long or I do not share much memories in them. On the other hand, I was able to keep some other relationships in depth until now. The way I behave is the most important reason why I have different types of relationships. Whenever I have to meet a new person, I am usually careful about showing myself. I always wait until the others express about themselves to me first by listening their words. Everyone behaves differently, and it is hard to expect them to be comfortable with expressing their emotion or thoughts. Therefore, there are people like me who are not used to with self-disclosure. By examining the relationships that I kept for a long time, I was able to find one commonality among them. Everyone in those long-term relationships had happened to disclose themselves to me first. In this way, I was able to express my thoughts or emotions to them; and we were able to have better understanding about each others. On the other hands, people, who were from the relationships that I had been failed to keep, were uncomfortable of being the first one to disclose like me. In these cases, we were busy with saying something that would make the others feel good rather than showing our feelings or thoughts. Without having a good understanding of each others, we could not share anything that can connect people in that relationship. Therefore, we ended up having conversations that cannot be “nexting”, and had troubles to find topics that can lead the conversation further. This eventually made hard for us to build long-term relationships.
On Steph’s lecture, impression management is the one of the theories that she had presented her lecture. I found myself greatly agreed with impression management. On wikipedia, it has been defined as “the process through which people try to control the impressions other people form of them. It is a goal-directed conscious or unconscious attempt to influence the perceptions of other people about a person, object or event by regulating and controlling information in social interaction”. I found the reason why I am so afraid of showing myself to strangers, because I am putting too many thoughts on impression management of myself. The reason why I cannot show myself to strangers was very simple, I was afraid of the way people would judge me from hearing my words. Therefore, I often wait the others to express them first so that I could learn about them. After learning their characteristics, I often say something that would make them feel good rather than hurting their feeling. In this case, I can protect myself from getting negative impressions from the others. This is exactly the same as the definition of impression management. Since I have learned from this class that it does not help me to build strong relationships, I will try to be more open to the others in my future relationships.
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 8:13 pm
When I look back at all that we have learned and read over the past six weeks I think that simply being exposed to these theories has opened my mind to looking at communication more analytically In particular, I feel that I have become much more aware of my “exhalations” than I had ever been before. The most powerful passage that has stuck in my mind in from John Stewart’s “Communicating and Interpersonal Communicating.” He describes “nexting” and says: “No matter how many time the same insult has been repeated, the next response can be creative rather than retaliatory. No matter how long the parties have not been speaking to each other, the next time they meet, one of them could speak…No matter how much you feel ‘thrown’…you can always make a next move that could help get the relationship back on track.” (p.31, Bridges Not Walls, ed. J. Stewart) This advice has even helped me in a few relationships since doing the reading. I took it upon myself to try to “next” more and try to mend some sour relationships I had at my workplace. By simply thinking about “nexting” I felt a lot of my negative energy that had been focused on a few negative instances of harsh words between myself and coworkers/bosses dissipate. This has made my workday a lot less stressful and I am gaining new friendships in people that I had never before considered attempting to break tensions or mend hostilities with. For this, I truly am glad to have this new perspective.
Of the competing theories of IPC, I feel like the theory of Ethnography of Communication (EOC), would be interesting to learn more about, particularly in relation to my learning experience described above. This theory proposes that distinct cultural groups follow certain “codes” when communicating and is meant to study the interactions between individuals and/or groups. The theory also deals with “what types of meanings groups apply to different communication events” which I think could lead to an interesting analysis of my aforementioned learning experience. Perhaps my past communication blunders had something to do with conflicting “codes” of communication because my coworker and I each interpreted our conversation differently according to different “codes.”
So, I suppose since this is the “farewell” I’ll say how much I’ve really enjoyed being a part of this course! Steph (and everyone else), thanks so much for all your comments and insights, I greatly appreciate your dedication in organizing the class and giving feedback so expediently! So, thanks again and sayonara everyone!
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 8:31 pm
I am a very extroverted person and as you may have figured out from my work during COMM 250 that I operate best when I can open up to every person I interact with. When describing a situation, a person, an interaction with a person anything really, I tend to not hold back tell (disclose) all to make sure the recipient gets my point. Free expression of emotions is a big part of my communication style and I show great emotion in whatever I do as well. The point in the class when I had an “eye-opening” experience was actually rather early in the class when we were reading John Robison’s book Look Me in the Eye. I actually had never even thought about how interaction without the ability to truly understand and express emotions would be like and reading that book made me think about that to the point where it would be in the back of my head at work at my hotel. The instance of interaction I would be referencing is not with just one person but with close to 100 different people (I would think of it as one shift) between co workers, guests and every other type of person you would expect in a hotel taxi drivers, delivery people etc. All of these interactions are small but the way I engage, respond and interact with them is different for each person. It just made me ponder about how I would have dealt with that particular interaction from John’s perspective during down time after I interacted with any given person during the day. This continued on and off for about two weeks after I did the reading as well! Interpersonal Communication class made me think of what I do daily more in depth and it also has made my communication skills stronger because of the new ways I now have to look at each interaction with each and every person I interact with every day. I can’t wait to utilize my new skills at the Sydney Marriott in Australia for the next four months! Oh yeah Steph I do think that would be a pretty sweet bumper sticker btw. NO PANACEA CAN STAND ALONE!!! I enjoyed the class Steph, thank you!
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 9:21 pm
In class we have learned so many different theories. The best part of this class is that all of these theories inter-relate, and we can easily find examples in our daily lives. For instance early on in this course I was talking with my friend who also took this course this summer (I will leave him nameless). We were talking about how the technology of this course was rather irrelevant and unnecessary. As much as we all may have struggled with the technology through out our class, it was not until over half-way into this semester that I realized that the technology was actually relevant to communication. I felt rather foolish, because we were both critical of the technology, and felt that it was unfair to have to familiarize ourselves with technology that was so alien to us at first. Our web logs were very stressful to figure out, especially with all of the links we had to include. Our conversation consisted of how useless it was to have to post our work in so many different areas. “Why couldn’t we just post it in the discussion, and submit it?” Well.. There is a world out there, that can see our work on wordpress. In which they can communicate with us about what we’ve learned and their experience with interpersonal communication. Communication is all around us, and myself as a comm. major did not quite realize the significance of the wordpress weblogs at first. I laugh at my self now. For how much I struggled with the technology, I feel it is so worth it in retrospect. I hope that people communicate through our weblogs, and see what we’ve learned. We worked hard, and I’d love to answer some questions about my work that is available to the world. I most enjoyed learning about “nexting.” I have many conversations when I make a conscious decision about what I want to say next, and there are unfortunately some times that I do not think about what I want to say next.. (oh well, i’m human). Something I was so critical of myself for before this class was that sometimes I say things with out thinking, and it comes back to haunt me after-words. Well fortunately, I was able to put a theory to my problem.. Having the understanding of acceptable ways of “nexting” has made my life much easier in and outside of class. Who would have thought that the issue I had, has a theory involving it.
“Computer mediated communication” is a theory that I would like to spend more time with if we were to study more closely a theory listed above. This is because I really find it interesting that the whole world has an opportunity to see our work, and what we’ve learned in class. Its almost like putting a notebook from a live class on the internet and sharing it with the world. I’ve never thought about how people would criticize my notebooks before, unless they were the professor..
Great course Stephanie!! I really enjoyed the class, thank you!!
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 10:10 pm
I really enjoyed this class because communications to me has always been one of those mysterious of life (if that makes any sense). This is my first time taking a communications class, so to learn the basic terminology of things that I have thought about but not known as an actual studies is so interesting to me. I really adore the metaphors that we’ve used like inhaling, exhaling, ext… to me it kind of gives us a little reminder that interpersonal communication is conscious! I already discussed that the Critical discourse theory is something I will actually pursue more to learn about, and I probably will take another communications class, just because its something I like. The instance of interaction I could mention is the first time I went into the chat and communicated with jaggerbunny, we were both confused as to what was going on, but things (the class in general) started to become clearer and clearer. It was a great experience! Thank you steph! I’ll be popping up on this blog every now and than I’m sure
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 10:15 pm
As I have mentioned in previous writings, I have never before learned so much in a single course. In this particular class, I did not simply absorb the information, rather I have integrated the theories and teachings of interpersonal communication into my daily life. The terminology, articles, lectures, and discussions have opened my eyes and given me the necessary tools to communicate successfully in different settings with different kinds of people.
In particular, it has been through the analysis done by my classmates and myself on the various authors and their writing that has guided me through. It was difficult for me to share all of my work with my peers, as I was vulnerable to criticism and judgment. It was refreshing, however to read that everyone else (for the most part) had the same fears as me. We learned in this course that people, when aware of their audience, both censor themselves, and attempt to find commonalities. All of us hold back when communicating, because we are consumed with how others will view us. In addition, we feel more comfortable conversing with someone else, who we do not know very well, if we find some aspect of each other that relates. I have taken these realities with me and altered my actions in interpersonal communication to avoid closing myself off and misrepresenting who I am and what I believe in. I still feel as though finding common ground can be beneficial, however, it must not be the sole focus of ever interaction. Point out commonalities when they are there, do not force relatability; be yourself.
It has been through interactions with my family and friends this summer that my growth has been proven. In particular, just yesterday I was introduced to a new friend of my mother’s. In the past, upon first meeting someone, I was rather quiet, always looking for something to point out about myself that I thought would appeal to my new acquaintance. However, this time, the introduction was noticeably different. After her friend left, my mother commented on how impressed she was with how comfortable I was. She complimented me on how well she said I was able to talk, get to know, and be myself around a new person. I know that it was because of this course that such successful interpersonal communication was possible.
With regards to the competing theories of communication, impression management could not be more relevant; “impression management is the process through which people try to control the impressions other people form of them. It is a goal-directed conscious or unconscious attempt to influence the perceptions of other people about a person, object or event by regulating and controlling information in social interaction. It is usually synonymous with self-presentation, if a person tries to influence the perception of their image.” I was, without a doubt practicing impression management. I cared “too much” about the opinions of others on my personality. I was “dishonest” as Postman would say, because I was not being real, revealing my genuine self. Thanks to Steaph, and this class, thankfully, I no longer do so, as I am aware of the strategies of IPC!
Wednesday August 20, 2008 at 10:32 pm
It’s hard to look back and find the MOST IMPORTANT THING (ever, ever) that I’ve learned from this class. I can only choose the most recent thing that has stuck out in my head. I can really only classify this as nexting, but I could be (and probably am) completely wrong. It was the night that the team projects were due. I had spent a good amount of that Thursday and Friday getting slammed at work due to a ton of people calling in and/or being on vacation (basically I cover a few people at a time, more people off and same amount of me ends with me being overworked), and had to put everything off until Saturday (the day it was due). So I had finished my piece on exhaling for my team and started to post tips and tricks for what I knew would be a good amount of questions and problems that would arise in posting that many links and such and compiling all of our resources. I ended up in a chat with Grant2u and we were discussing the formalities of turning everything in, and basically going through a communal checklist to make sure everything was getting done in a timely manner. She had had some questions on the best manner in which to post everything. I saw the whiteboard option above the chat dialog and being the nerd that I am, started playing. I took screen captures of the WordPress input area and the tabs for entering things in Visual Mode and HTML mode. I saved these pictures and loaded them into the whiteboard, and with Grant2u’s help left a pictorial tutorial on how to post in HTML mode. This was done for two reasons, to help my teammates to get their links working and know if it was working immediately, and two, to help me keep my sanity (instead of giving four iterations of the same instructions, I did it once and left it for everyone). Let me just say this is in no way a shot at my team, you guys were awesome, and while I had the technical savvy, you guys explained the assignments for me in terms I could understand!
Alas, back to the task at hand. I wish I had saved the conversation with Grant2u while I was developing my “presentation”. She had figured out, and explained to me what we had needed to do, and I took that and applied my technical abilities to help convey that to the team. This was the culmination of a semester worth of communication between us. I felt that throughout the entire thing, that her and I got along well and our attributes complemented each other very well, and when we were teamed together I was actually very happy about it. I knew she could help me to understand the assignments and show me exactly what needed to be done, and I was more than happy to help her to understand the ins and outs of taking an online course.
As for which theory I would choose, I’ve said before that I was a student of Professor Cronen’s in my freshman year and I learned about his stance on communication theory, and I agree with most of what he said. I believe in the idea that interactions come in triplets and episodes, and also that there are a lot of unnoticed things that we perceive and develop signals (whether they’re true or not doesn’t matter, it’s the PERCEPTION).
Having read my classmates responses, something struck me: compare our entries now compared to our entries on the first day. Some didn’t even have them (technical difficulties) and those that did, weren’t nearly as engaged, disclosing or trusting as they are now. Interesting what a difference of a few weeks can make huh?
Thanks for the semester Steph.
Thursday August 21, 2008 at 12:20 pm
i’m referring back to your comment. There are nudist beaches and streakers (to keep with the metaphor) which are few enough and far enough between that we find ourselves laughing and (un)able to look away. This is where the comedy and flavor of life come in. I guess I needed some sleep in order to include that.
Thursday August 21, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I feel like the most important thing that I have learned in this class this summer has been how to actually listen to someone. I have found that previously in my life I have listened to people but not actually “listened” to them. I would be in conversations with people and talking to them but not actually “inhaling” what they are saying. I would only listen for a few key points so that I could have a legit response to them to show I was hearing what they were saying. In a way this was a form of “nexting” by me just by having a response to keep the conversation going. After taking this class I have found myself listening intently to other people and giving an honest response that pertains to what they have just said to me. I practice “inhaling” and “exhaling” on the regular and show people that I care what they are saying. The instance that I found myself using information that I learned from class was outside of the actual class. I had been explaining to a friend of mine what we learned in this class. I had used “openness” as a technique to express the information that I was trying to get across. I was explaining to my friend that what we learned in class was things that we observe in everyday life. In fact what we learned in class was something that was happening at the exact moment that we were talking. We were practicing “inhaling” and “exhaling” with each other by just having interpersonal communication. As I was talking to this friend I was “inhaling” what they were saying and “exhaling” my responses. I was also using “openness” with them so that I could get my point across more clearly. I would say that the theory that most closely resembles my most important learning would be the “Coordinated Management of Meaning” theory. This theory is based on the techniques of “inhaling” and “exhaling” which I have shown examples of above. I think part of the reason this closely resembles my learning is that John Stewart, one of the textbook authors, shows examples of this. By reading about his ideas about breathing in the textbook and writing about an outside of class example of breathing I have closely tied my information with this theory.
Sunday August 24, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Masr squeezed in the last (?) Farewell.