We have begun our study of interpersonal communication with listening. My strategy is deliberate – which twenty-five percent of what I say/type are you “listening to” (reading, perceiving, registering)? And – what of the 75% you merely hear or visually skim past? (Kay Lindahl provides this statistic in “What is Listening,” a summary of highlights from Practicing The Sacred Art of Listening)? I am well pleased with the overall performance of the class so far in terms of following directions. Yes, there have been glitches, but in general we are proceeding as best as can be expected in this online only learning/teaching environment. (Did you notice that I listed learning first?!)
Of course I am interested in how well you perceive what I seek to convey (how else can I – as teacher – assess your progress?), but the larger point is to start noticing how you listen all the time, everywhere, in all the various situations that compose your life with other people. As I read the assigned articles from our textbook, I notice how I skimmed over the information I (think I) know, instead being drawn more to those theories and concepts which might help me better understand certain current situations in my own life. For instance, in the first batch of articles, I am fairly confident in my knowledge about of “myths about” and “skills of” listening. I selected, as Kenneth Burke explains, a certain slice of reality (“It’s Only Skin Deep: Stereotyping and Totalizing Others,” by Julia T. Wood, p. 192-193, which is cited at this interesting compilation of Problems with Intercultural Communication). This is always the case, all the time, in every interaction, and just because I am “the teacher” does not necessarily make “my” choice more relevant than yours. (“My” slice might be more relevant to me, but not necessarily as important to you as the slice of reality that you selected.) The slice I (and you) pick is necessarily reflective of a reality – interpreting some dimension of it, and also – simultaneously – de-selects other ways of slicing the same reality. (This communicative selectivity works the same way for everyone, always.) 😉
Regarding the material on listening, I found myself particularly interested in the notion of scripts as described by Trenholm and Jenson (“Interpretive Competence: How We Perceive Individuals, Relationships, and Social Events”). I had to do a lot of active listening as class got underway! At one point, I felt as if I was playing detective – I would receive clues that something was wrong (such as an explicit message asking for help or clarification), but I could not match the content of the message with my knowledge of the course structure. Then I would have to ask clarifying questions, paraphrase, and simply try to imagine what/where the breakdown might be: is it a problem with the course software in terms of what students can/can’t see or do, or is it a problem of explanation (I failed to be clear), or is it a problem of assumption (what seems obvious to me is not obvious to them, or vice-versa?)
And/or – were we (me/teacher, you/student) operating from different scripts? How many students experience the classroom as a zone for closed episodes? I am not sure, but my experience informs me that most students behave in the classroom as if the scripts are closed: the “rules for proper behavior are well known in advance and govern the flow of interaction” (p. 179). Then, here I am, working hard to create a framework for experiencing this curriculum/classroom as an open episode, as an opportunity where “there is greater freedom to create new forms of interaction and to change episodes midway through” (p. 179).
In fact, I am trying to draw us – intentionally and on purpose – into a defined episode, a learning situation “defined ‘in progress’ as participants follow their own personal goals and plans…” (p. 179). I am still the authority figure who has to evaluate learning and assign grades, but our subject of study is flexible, malleable: a matter of emergent social interaction rather than immutable, static fact. I can no more dictate to you what you will/will not “listen to”, what you must/must not “select” or “deflect” from your perception of reality than I can force the moon to stand still. Interpersonal communication is a fluid situation, a flowing or unfolding of things said/not said in a sequence that is co-determined by interlocutors as each identifies what kind of an episode is happening and what kind of script is to be used. (What happens next, I wonder, if we mis-identify?)
There are many factors that play into the identification process – learning to listen well (to yourself as well as to others) is the core, bedrock skill necessary to learn how to work with episodes and scripts in a proactive way – not necessarily to change them into something else (a different kind of episode, or another type of script), although sometimes this may be desirable. My goal as a radical andragogue (!) is to enhance your cognitive complexity. Why? “Research has shown cognitively complex persons to be more accurate in processing information about others, better at placing themselves in the role of the other person, and more patient in weighing most of the evidence before formulating a complete impression” (Trenholm & Jensen, p. 183, cite two studies: Jesse Delia, Ruth Ann Clark, and David Switzer, “Cognitive Complexity and Impression Formation in Informal Social Interaction,” and Claudia Hale and Jesse Delia, “Cognitive Complexity and Social Perspective-Taking”).
It seems to me, perhaps now more than ever, that we – us human beings alive today – need to be able to do all those things better.
A Place in Space 
Friday July 25, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Nexting 4:2
“Nexting” sounds like a strange term and at first made no sense to me. It reminded me of “texting” on cell phones (yes I know, strange). Once I read the article everything slowly came together. “Nexting” seems to be an active skill that a person has that helps them identify what to do next in order to improve a situation. In my case, I took a new approach when I wrote the new responses to the students. Instead of acting like “an analyst” trying to figure out what could improve about their blog, I carefully read and took notes as I read. I did not wait to write my comment until I finished reading the blog, but instead kept writing small pieces of the response as I read, so that I would not miss any important parts of the blog. By using this approach I was able to notice the important facts that students write that I would at first miss. We all tend to read something but only remember what relates to us. By carefully paying attention to each sentence I was able to let my “guard” down and just let all the info sink in. Every sentence has a meaning to the student, if not they would not have written it. This is important because by missing or disregarding a couple of sentences, the reader (myself) could lose the actual meaning that the writer intended to communicate. “Nexting” goes hand in hand with listening because its about paying attention to detail, with an open mind, and not letting your perceptions or past experiences affect the communication. I see that this approach can make a difference when reading an article (or letter, blog…) but I wonder how it can be used when it comes to talking and listening to someone. There really is not enough time to take notes, as personal conversation goes by so fast, but maybe taking mental notes or asking questions as the person explains their point of view might help. Perhaps?
Friday July 25, 2008 at 7:53 pm
The trickiest thing about nexting, in my opinion, is that it requires us to change our orientation to time. The assignment (which leads students to post comments here) has them reflecting on their actual interactions with each other – in anonymous blogposts “outside” of class.
Gym411, posting first, responds explicitly to the question I used as the title of my blogpost (technically, the second “lecture” of the course). She or he has learned to listen differently, describing a strategy for “inhaling the other” (the metaphor used by our textbook’s author, John Stewart) by reading line by line and taking careful notes. (I have been encouraging students to do this for the academic portion of coursework; it is exciting to see the technique extended to their less formal interactions.) Still, Gym411 muses, could this work in real (auditory/spoken) life?
I think so :-), but you’ll have to figure this out for yourself! (FYI – Everybody has to figure this out for themselves.)
Active listening requires an orientation to the present that is undistracted. In theory, this applies to the past and the future – if I am listening (for instance) to you now, then I am not thinking about what happened yesterday (or three minutes ago), nor am I thinking about tomorrow’s plans – or that other thing I could be doing right now. I am with you. In reality – meaning, most of the time in our day-to-day living and talking with each other – our minds are only partially present. (Oh, am I just talking only about myself?!) Focusing exclusively on the present moment is a skill requiring practice. I often imagine this kind of focused consciousness as a muscle that gets stronger with exercise.
Aha! “If I just concentrate on listening better . . . “ No, sorry, confining ourselves only to the Here-and Now in-and-of-itself is not adequate to address a particular interpersonal communication problem of concern. For one thing, the present time is never “there” all by itself, it is “here” with a whole history (mine – and we’ve read about totalizing among other factors that skew perception; and the person speaking – whose life story we may or may not know, and even if we think we know, we never know completely). The present, also – inevitably – leads to a future, so there is a sense in which the future is “here,” too: at least in the guise of possibility.
Nexting asks us to imagine the possible future we want, and then speak (or write) the thing(s) that might lead us there. Most of our communication is reactive – not necessarily kneejerk emotional or gut reaction (although this certainly does happen, quite often), but even when we are consciously, deliberately, and carefully responsive: the “re” itself indicates our involvement with the past. “Nexting” asks us to shift emphasis. The past still has to be taken into account – it is what has lead to the present moment of interaction. But must the past dictate the choices available to us in this present moment? Is the script already written? The episode closed? “Where do we go from here?” is a question perhaps not asked as frequently as it could be of use. Nexting moves even one step beyond the question, it does the thing you deem is most likely to move the conversation/relationship from where it is to where you want it to be.
If things are good in the relationship/conversation, then you want to say a thing that will continue that trend. If things are not so good (maybe not awful, possibly even tolerable, but still not as fulfilling or meaningful or ______ as you want or believe they could be), then you have to make a choice: do you keep saying the kinds of things that you always say (the closed script), or do you risk changing the script? And if you want to take that risk, how in the heck are you gonna start?!
Friday July 25, 2008 at 8:10 pm
When I was reading the assigned articles, I came across the term “nexting” I was surprised that the author John Stewart was unsure that the term was a suitable for the definition. I thought it made sense because you do have to respond well next and think about what you want to say next. When I was responding to the comments made on the weblog, I tried to include nexting and listening by going in detail with my responses, answering questions, and raising questions. These all led to a more meaningful conversation, which in turn helped me identify with the people I was writing to. With that being said I found that listening (taking note) to what the person is saying can help with nexting, however I also observed in order to have a nexting conversation you may need to have a fierce conversation. I mean in order to respond fruitfully you will need to come out from hiding and make the conversation real.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 6:59 am
How Nexting Has Been Done
This is an interesting way to describe what we do when we are having a conversation. I don’t really feel like I am reading and writing response differently I feel like I am more aware of what the response is being made up of. The idea revolves around trying to get more information about a subject person. “Nexting asks us to imagine the possible future we want, and then speak (or write) the thing(s) that might lead us there.” (Kent) I like this way of explaining it. We hardly ever just talk to amuse are self’s there is usually a goal in mind. It could be trying to learn something new or make new friends. When I email my teacher trying to explain a problem I have with the course or give an excuse as to why i missed and assignment and should be able to make it up. I am trying to phrase the argument in a way that will give me the best shot of getting the teacher to understand and feel empathy for me. I am imagining a possible future where the teacher agrees with me. However this does not work often.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 7:20 am
TopoftheMorn, your last line brought quite the chuckle out of me this morning! You must, certainly, be referring to teachers in general, right? Not to me, in particular?! 🙂
You raise a significant point: there are always constraints and limitations. One can imagine any number of possible futures, but only some of those futures are probable given the conditions that exist. Structures of authority surround us; even (some, in fact would argue, especially) in interpersonal communication.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 7:52 am
Well Steph,first and formost I want to say that I think you have definately reaching towards your goal of creating “cognitive complexity”. Althouhg this is something that we are learning to do on line-they are important interpersonal communication skills that we can teach ourselves to carry on in face to face communications. I definately agree that we all need to be “more patient in weighing most of the evidence before formulating a complete impression” (Trenholm and Jensen). You have rather strategically made it possible for us to do it in our last assignment. After doing the required readings I thought about what kind of communicator I am an how I need to work on my “nexting” skills when I am getting to know someone. I thought the points made by Stewart that “communication is complex, continous, and collaborative,..you always have the option to try a next step…no matter how long the parties have not been speaking to each other”. It made a valid point and made me think about how easily good friends do “nexting” and it is virtually a natural process. In this type of enviroment it requires skill, thought, and patience when working on our “nexting” with inter-lockers.
Do you have any of your own personal tips that can help to improve our “nexting” skills and improve our flow of on-line conversations that you can share with us from personal experience?
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 9:08 am
Heehee, my “personal tips” are woven throughout the entire course. 🙂
I did have an experience with Gym411 that I thought was an important clue about nexting – rather, a way to recognize that perhaps one didn’t “next” as well as one could have. (Although, with that said, I think the way our conversation is going because of that interaction is fantastic. Really!)
Let me backtrack; I was upset Gym411 jumped into this thread as fast as s/he did. The criteria of the assignment were not fully met, and – probably more to the point? – I had not yet written my “segue” comment from the “lecture” (such as it is, smile) to these postings (student assignments). So – I fired off a quick email to Gym411. Within a short time I felt lousy.
Actually, I felt alone. I had no confidence that I had “nexted” – I was pretty sure that my message (what I had “exhaled” 😉 to Gym411 wouldn’t feel good on his/her end and the disconnect isolated me. Now, from a teacherly point-of-view I do not doubt the (potential) lesson for Gym411 – if she/he is always first, well – that is a style that could be problematic in various situations.
Thinking through my emotional reaction as an experience of interpersonal communication led me to the post I actually made (Comment 1246), which – I think – works pretty well in the flow of our conversation. In other words, I realized that I needed the contribution Gym411 made even if it was ‘out of keeping’ or ‘out of step’ or otherwise contrary to my expectation. That is how a live, open script goes – constantly flexible and adaptive to what the other person offers.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 1:08 pm
I have to say I have never heard of the word nexting before these reading assignments. The definition of the word makes sense in reference to communication. Steph, the way you have designed this type of communication on-line (I can not stand all of technology stuff) has allowed me to distinguish exactly how conversations progress, step by step. Nexting and listening are like peanut butter and jelly – they go together. I have to admit the pace at which we write, analyze and respond is much different than standing in front of an individual having a conversation.
In one way or another, during my conversations with classmates, each of us used the main characteristics of interpersonal communication: socially, culturally, and personally. We have shared our personal experiences that make us feel connected and understanding of each other. There has been a bond established. Other conversations connected us through our association as mothers, for example.
A week ago, if you had asked me to describe communication, I would have responded much differently than I would today.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 1:34 pm
In reading Steph’s second lecture, I kept thinking about how I would respond to everyone’s comments in a way that would enhance the continued dialogue of the class, as well as help to create the defined space or script that this class discussion falls in. As I read through everyone’s replies, I feel that time is of the essence – I hope to address comments in a clear sequential order, using the hyperlinks as discussed in the assignment. All of these things contribute to “nexting” and allow for further class discussion.
First, I love the descriptions of “nexting” in gym411 and Steph’s initial responses. While learning about the term, I’ve thought of my own experiences in actively trying to continue conversations. What I’ve found interesting, however, is that in an attempt to “next,” or provide a means to further the conversation, I’ve already left the dimension of the conversation (i.e. I’m not actively listening). For example, when entering a newly admitted patient’s room, I rattled off question after question – pausing just long enough to allow her to slip a response in. Yes, we were having a conversation, and I could repeat her responses, but my mind was preoccupied with continuing a conversation that I wasn’t allowing for a naturally flowing dialogue – or even really actively listening (actually, saboy82’s comment seems to touch upon this – except that he’s already realized this about active listening and is attempting to overcome this obstacle).
After reading through the remaining comments, I have some thoughts about things fellow classmates have said. However, it is my fear that it my approach may be too sequential. Is there a way to respond to all of the comments in a way that makes sense? Steph, this is perhaps what you were suggesting in your lecture – that we must come up with a way to have a conversation in this blogspace, similar to that of a class discussion. I think this is a perfect opportunity to mention grant2u’s response – I have a feeling that this is the direction that you’ve intended the class to move towards. I certainly feel that this response has been more dynamic in terms of trying to create and add to an active dialogue than my past responses. Besides being timely in responses (meaning that we be diligent about “refreshing” pages and including most recent postings), what other steps can we take to have a “live” discussion?
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 1:54 pm
We are doing it, DeliverMe – and you are absolutely right about the role of time. As is everyone who is noticing the difference made possible when we learn how to work with this asynchronous mode of communicating interpersonally. As BridgeOfIdeas wrote, we are actually experiencing a kind of bonding with each other: we are aware of the relationship, of the relating that we are doing with each other.
Personally, I think it’s wicked cool! 😉
How we move forward, how we keep nexting, is what makes interpersonal communication so exciting. Everyone prioritizes for themselve which theme, or experience, or concept seems ‘most alive right now,’ and finds a way to move with it. None of us ever know for sure who is going to move with us, who will move away, or who is simply moving according to their own sense of prioritization (attention) that just doesn’t overlap with ours (right now, as it could again, sooner or later, or never, but the possibility is always present).
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 5:12 pm
When doing this assignment of nexting, I put a little more effort into seeing what they wrote and trying to put something that may or may not interest them. On one of the posts I made, I got a little carried away because the person asked a question that was very interesting to me: “Where is the future of gaming going?” That was like blowing set charges to a dam. I just kept writing until I realized how long it actually was. Grant2u whether consciously or unconsciously asked me a question she knew I was very much interested in, and I would assume I became the aggressor in the conversation. It was interesting how seven words set off a small quiet rant, and I didn’t even address a small percentage of the things I would have had the conversation been live and if I wasn’t at work at the time.
Spiceynoodlesoup also took my blog and everything of my online persona and nexted very well, providing his experience, trying to figure out my experience and asked me a question to help clarify. It was short and sweet, but was very targeted. I couldn’t help but express my love for the game and make the effort to convince them to try the game, and even gave little hints and tips as best as I could.
Saboy82’s conversation happened just like any other conversation that happens online, he took what I had said, evaluated it, and added a bit of his own thoughts to what I had said, which I had done with his previous beginning comment (his blog). Our conversation has gone back and forth and it is about our experiences in high school, an interesting time for both of us. We’ve discovered through poking and prodding that we share the same opinion of high school politics (or lack thereof!).
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Much like other class-mates, I had never heard of the term “nexting” before the reading assignments yesterday. Nexting is something that I have obviously experienced, but I never actually put much thought to it. Nor did I think there was a specific term for it. Nexting for me seems like it could be second nature almost. Although it is not. I really like the examples that have been brought up about how our class is nexting, by communicating online. Like Stephanie says above “None of us ever know who for sure is going to move with us, who will move away, or who is simply moving according to their own sense of attention […].” I have never thought of communicating in this fashion. In a conversation we really never know who is going to move forward with us and who is not. Some people may not be interested in the topic anymore and may change the subject, while others may pursue the conversation and keep it moving forward. I have found that since I have done the reading many of the conversations I have, I analyze a lot more than I have ever done before. It is certainly interesting, and sometimes even humorous to see how different people handle such things as “nexting” when in communicating..
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 5:42 pm
I feel like I have known about the concept of “nexting” ever since I began having intricate conversations with other people. Although there was never a specific name for the type of continuous conversation I normally have with interesting people I always knew it was important. “Nexting” is an important tool to be able to read conversations and continue them as smoothly as possible. I find that when I’m in an important conversation whether with a girl or an interview or something important, “nexting” is an essential tool for me. If I did not apply the concept of “nexting” in conversations that really matter to me then I feel like I would’ve found myself and the other person in complete silence. The way that Steph explains the idea of “nexting” as a process in conversations makes it easier to grasp the concept in terms of something we have already learned. In my opinion people have already learned many of these concepts of interpersonal conversation however they never realized it was an actual studied theory of communication. Now that Steph has put terms and concepts to the way that two or more people converse with each other makes me feel like my every day conversations are almost scientific experiences. Each time after reading blogs, posts or book-reading and then conversing with someone I find myself analyzing the way I am conversing with my counterpart.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 7:22 pm
John Stewart explains in his article, “Communicating and Interpersonal Communicating,” that nexting is “doing something helpful next, responding fruitfully to what’s just happened, taking an additional step in the communication process.” This idea seemed almost redundant to me at first but it is often a feature a conversation that can be overlooked. In retrospect, I think a lot of conversations I’ve had in the past could have been more productive and interesting for all parties if nexting had been done more effectively. Nexting is clearly a valuable tool in the communication process. Stewart explains further that since “communication is continuous and collaborative,” nexting can “make a change in the situation, or at least keep the conversation going.”
When responding to comments on my blog page, I actively tried to use nexting as advised in the readings. Several people responded to my post by posing me a question, or simply commenting that they had a common interest with me. In my replies to those comments I tried to summarize what they had said and answer whatever questions were asked, and then respond by asking my own question having to do with the same or related topic. I also tried to consider who I was writing to by reading what they had written on their own blog pages. I guessed at what line of conversation might spark their interest so as to encourage more conversation in the future.
As for nexting not done well in my responses to classmates, I feel like I could have put more energy into reaffirming their ideas and sharing my own knowledge on the topics. I mainly just asked questions and tried to encourage a response after briefly acknowledging their comment to me. I hope that I can keep improving my nexting skills so that my communications with others are more productive in the future.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 8:04 pm
“Nexting asks us to imagine the possible future we want, and then speak the thing(s) that might lead us there.” (Kent) I could never have worded it better, but in order to fully explain the meaning of “nexting” I must expand. All people have the ability to take action so as to better their current circumstances, hence nexting. It is the skill we all possess to select our subsequent move that will ensure a positive outcome. Never having heard of the term before, I was determined to, not only grasp its significance, but rather put it to work.
I made sure to take the advice of Trenholm and Jensen who advise us all to be “more patient in weighing most of the evidence before formulating…” As I read through my classmates’ blogposts, comments, and replies, I made certain that I read carefully; I was sure to truly listen to their words, rather than just hear them. In order to be confident that I took the appropriate “next” step, it took real listening skills, because listening and nexting work together to better communication.
As I read, I took notes, and read words, sentences, and/ or paragraphs over as needed. I was determined to respond in a non-judgmental, yet honest fashion. It is important to be sincere and authentic, as well as respectful.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Title the visitor sees.
Code example: Example
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 8:16 pm
I have to admit that I enjoy writing as a communication sometimes more than face to face. Nexting, to pinpoint it, is the real reason for this. In a natural conversation you tend to hear what you want to hear more. Like you said, “which twenty-five percent of what I say/type are you “listening to” (reading, perceiving, registering)?” I guess this is also true for reading, but not if you take your time and let everything seep in. In a real time conversation, it can often move at such a quick pace, that it gets annoying to keep going back to something someone said, so it keeps moving a hundred miles an hour. I feel that face to face interaction is more of an “open episode, as an opportunity where “there is greater freedom to create new forms of interaction and to change episodes midway through” (p. 179) This style allows us to slow down and appreciate it all then we are to choose what is most interesting to you, and to really stick to a subject as opposed to jumping around a lot.
It’s very true that, “ ”My” slice might be more relevant to me, but not necessarily as important to you as the slice of reality that you selected.” This is where it gets tricky and also why nexting it very appropriate. There are a few examples that I can draw on that did this better than others. I find that it is more helpful to compliment the person on what you like that they said, then to apply it to something you’ve learned elsewhere or to your own situation. The only danger of this format is that we often appear more formal than we should because it is after all, a class.
I thought that the perfect example of good nexting came from ooloveshoo who had a great opener for a response, “I like how you said how the Chinese characters had “appeared to me as drawings as opposed to a rigid system of expression, more free flowing”. This might be the part of reason why I got interest in Japanese language, too.” Ooloveshoo was able to point out something that I wrote that she liked, and explain that maybe that’s why she originally had the same interest that I did. It was just a very warm way to open up dialogue showing not only respect for my comment but taking what I said and applying it to how she got into the hobby. She is able to apply my comment on age to her own experience later on in the response which is also great,
“When I was taking a linguistic course, I got the chance to learn about the critical age for learning a second language. I learned that the earlier you encounter with the second language the better you become with the language.”
Ooloveshoo took my situation and applied something she learned in a different class to why this is so. It shows that she is not only able to effectively listen to me but then to apply my comments and link them to her other knowlegable spheres. Then she brings it back and compares it to her experiences with the difficult tasks she has encountered, then led the conversation on from there.
I also thought it was wonderful how she sent me another reply because she had more that she wanted to inquire about what I had originally posted, going beyond the requirement and showing an actual interest in my thoughts.
President Makalele also did this well by referring to my comments and then applying it to his own life experiences with soccer. He wrote,
“Touching on what you said about our country appreciating difference more I have been trying to get some of my friends to share the same enthusiasm as I have found but so far only one out of almost ten has begun to appreciate it.”
I had noticed when I went back and read some of my comments that I was applying what they wrote to me too much. I tended to take what they said and then immediately write something that it made me think of instead of asking questions to clarify how they actually felt more. It was hard to critique what I wrote because that’s still what comes to my mind after reading their blog. I am learning how complex the breakdown of conversation can be.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 8:35 pm
As I read through all of my comments today I seen that most of the people who replied to my post demonstrated active listening. I just imagined having a face to face conversation with each person and I was thinking about what I said to them then how they replied to each of my question. I never really understood when I repeat what someone says to me in my own words was called paraphrasing. In my conversation with bridgeofideas we both shared feelings about the campus being to big we both came from smaller schools were used to smaller schools (http://beaver32.wordpress.com/2008/07/17/my-new-life/#comment). My conversation with tennisfan816 I asked this person a lot of questions after reading there blog I was just trying to clarify what they were talking about. Because it seemed that they like Thailand more then they like the united states. I wasn’t trying to question this person or anything. But their reply back to my question showed they were listening with openness. This person answered my questions with this response “As much as I love Thailand, I’m just too biased towards the US.” (http://beaver32.wordpress.com/2008/07/17/my-new-life/#comment-2). I really wasn’t sure how this person was going to take my question but I’m glad they took it in the right way. A lot of times people misinterpret what someone is saying especially when it’s being wrote to them. My overall feelings of all the conversations with each person shows they all were totally listening to what I was talking about to them about. Of course I imagine the conversation as we were asked to do. I imagined myself watching each person facial expression, head movement, and eye contact. Through the last two assignments we have done I learned that I have good communication skills. As I read through the four steps to effective listening I noticed that I do those things all the time when I have a conversation with someone.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 9:01 pm
In Singer12’s Title the visitor sees to me, she used nexting very effectively, steering the conversation in a very useful direction. She begins by thanking me for my post, and gives encouraging words regarding the issue of health insurance. She also makes me feel like my first post had a small effect on the world, as she mentions that she will be more aware of her interactions with restaurant workers. I believe that what we have achieved is the very definition of nexting.
When choosing comments to respond to, I immediately chose Commsyr09 because she asked me a question about my rabbit. Asking a question is a very effective way to insure the continuance of communication, especially when it is a question about a topic one obviously loves. I communicated to her that I understood her love for her dog, and described my experiences with rabbits. One way I could have nexted more effectively would have been to ask her a question, which I did not.
I also agree with what JimiGarcia said in his post above. Most of us use skills such as nexting in our daily lives, but never knew there was a term for it. Now that I have learned about it, I am much more aware of it.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 10:26 pm
When I began reading about the concept of “nexting,” I have to admit I was amazed. John Stewart describes nexting as taking the “next step” in a communication process. He elaborates stating, “Since you realize that communication is complex, continuous, and collaborative, you’ll always recognize that, no matter what’s happened before and no matter how bad things currently look, you always have the option to try a next step.” Stewart’s explanation was not only eye-opening but also relieving. It is true that in communicating we as communicators are in control.
However, in order to communicate effectively as described in Dialogic Listening, we must do just that – listen. Listening plays a key role in nexting because in order to make the right “next” move – in order to improve or maintain a situation, one must pay close attention and listen (not hear) to what others are communicating.
This process is hard because it forces us to think outside of our own frame of mind. Initially upon responding to blogposts I found myself instigating communication based on the similarities I found between the poster and myself. This form of listening and communicating was more selfish than dialogic because instead of learning about the person (through the dialogic listening process – paraphase-plus, clarifying meaning, asking questions, etc), I was taking what I already know, what is comfortable to me, and building upon that, not necessarily allowing for a “open” script between too people but forcing a premeditated one based on similarities.
It is true that many people are drawn to one another because of similarities but perhaps if we “nexted” more frequently we could learn more about those around us instead of simply building on what we know and are comfortable with. What I found to be most intriguing about the idea of “dialogic listening” and “nexting” in general is that it obliges us to remain open-minded.
When replying to the blogpost the second time around while keeping nexting in mind, I focused on what the author was conveying as opposed to what I interpreted from the percent of the post I “listened” to. “Nexting” encouraged me to want to uncover what the author’s intentions were, to dig deeper, to ask questions, to understand. Although I’d like to think of myself as open-minded, the articles have definitely expanded my ability to be more progressive and flexible in my communicative exchanges. Now, all we need to do is send a copy of these articles to the world leaders and maybe we can get this whole world peace thing figured out once and for all.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Like most of the other classmates, I was not sure about the meaning of “nexting”. At first, I felt like I know what it means, but I could not explain or define it in words. After reading several articles, I finally was able to understand the meaning of “nexting”. Basically, it was some kind of tool that I used when I want to continue the conversation with the other people. I liked how Sports08 has described “nexting” as “something that I have obviously experienced, but I never actually put much thought to it.” in the response to second lecture. Like he or she said, I did not consider myself using any tools whenever I have a chance to have conversation with the others. If I have question, then I will ask; and if I have any comments or experiences about the topic of conversation, I just bring them to the conversation without thinking that those might be referred as using a tool, ”nexting”. I got surprised how there was actually a term for it. I thought it was something that how everyone does when they have conversation. After reading the comments that I have left to the other classmates, I found myself using several empathic listening skills: encouraging skills (mirroring, clarifying question), reflecting skills (adding an example), or sculpting mutual meanings. These empathic listening skills are eventually used as a tool “nexting” for me to continue the conversation with person whom I have made comments to with these skills. Obviously, listening skills and nexting cannot be separated and important in any conversation, and these skills have power to make people to become more close to each other. I like how gym411 had left in his response to second lecture that “We all tend to read something but only remember what relates to us”. I often do what gym411 have said. Without making detail notes, I am only going to remember something that relate to me and forget about little details that might be important to the writers. While doing this assignment, I found myself understand better about the intention of the writer by making little notes.
Outerbodyboi had left a thoughtful comment to my blog. He or She has explained his or her experience with Chinese calligraphy which was similar to my topic for the post in a way that we both have same experience with learning some other language. He or She had written the comment in detail which made me to understand better about the experience. By leaving me an open question, “Have you ever thought of moving to Japan for an amount of time?”(Outerbodyboi, http://ooloveshoo.wordpress.com/2008/07/22/ooloveshoo-2/#comment-2), I found it was easier for me to continue the conversation when I was leaving comment to his or her blog.
Saturday July 26, 2008 at 11:04 pm
In addition to my response of second lecture, I have used two quotes from gym411 and Sports08.
For gym411, https://aplaceinspace.wordpress.com/2008/07/20/why-care-about-listening/#comment-1244
For Sports08,
Sunday July 27, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Nexting, to me, is something that makes such perfect sense. Usually, when I respond to someone in a conversation, I can write/or say what I feel instantly without thinking of the outcome of what I might say. Of course, many times this “approach” can backfire in my face! Listening and nexting go together hand-in-hand for several reasons. When I actually listen to what someone says, I can decipher what they mean, what they want, or their overall goal of this act of communication. Then, by using the nexting approach, I can figure out what to say, without a spur of the moment response, that will lead the outcome I want! It’s so simple, but I know I lack in this area. In a way, listening & nexting can be related to patience. How? Simply by being patient and listening to what someone says, and than using figuring out what to say next for your overall outcome, it can teach teach you a third quality of life, the beauty of patience.